F1 Taxi Driver from LCCT

After a lovely CNY celebration with relatives in Kuching...we excitedly (meaning, I was excited but hubby was partially sad and children were reluctant..after all it was fun and holidays there) boarded the plane for home. Upon arrival, we purchased our cab ticket and stood in line to get into a cab. I prayed we'd get a better one than last year. Last year, we had one who kept dozing off, and he drove zig zag several times!!

This year, the taxi driver was no better. The moment our luggages were loaded, he zoomed off like an F1 Driver. The Speedometer went 90...100.....(I thought surely this must be the speed limit) but it went on to 110..120..130..touching 140!!

His taxi also smelled like he'd had too many ciggies, and while driving he kept twitching his face and shoulder muscles..a sign of stress and tension i suppose.

I reasoned with myself quietly and thought.."well..maybe the speed is good, we could arrive early for CNY dinner here." But after several bends at neck breaking speed..I couldn't take it anymore. I imagined the cab sliding off the curb at a bent and all sorts of accidents that could happen if he kept speeding.


So I decided to speak to him in my so-so Bahasa language to see if talking would help him slow down.

"encik..dah lama pandu taxi ke?" Taxi Speed 140

he replied "ya!" in an abrupt, unfriendly way and kept speeding.

"cuaca sini ok hari ni kan. kat kampung hujan lebat tiap hari." speed still 140

"sini, tiap tiap hari hujan jugak, hari ni aje cuaca ok lar. Tengok Johor,banjir kat sana."

"Encik tak cuti ke?"

"mana ade cuti. Semalam kerja sampai 12:30 malam. Hari ni, pagi pagi dah mula. banyak orang Cina balik hari ini. Nak minum kopi pun tak boleh. Rehat skjap, mereka dah panggil. Tapi tak pe la, untung banyak sikit hari ini."


"wah. mesti penat. Kalau ada masa, nanti jemput masuk skejap lah untuk minum kopi." Speed dropped to 120


'Kampung kat mana?' he asked in a slightly friendlier tone.

"Oh, I dari sini, suami dari S'wak."

'Wa, mee kolok terkenal sana.' he smiled.


"Wah, Encik pun tau Mee Kolok ke?!" I asked, surprised!. " Roti canai sana pun sedap jugak!"


"Ada ke roti canai? susah nak cari makanan Melayu kat sana." Speed 100


'Banyak, sana, roti spesial tau. Murtabak pun bes!" I replied. Speed all the way down to 90.

etc etc..and he maintained that speed all the way home, driving in a much more relaxed manner with less twitches.

Finally we arrived and I asked "encik nak kopi?"

"eh..takpe lar." He smiled and drove away.

Mr.L was a very weird, lonely man. He was tall and skinny and bonny. So bonny even his cheeks sank in instead of popping out nicely like red apples. He spoke with a Very loud voice, but funnily he’d tell little kids off for speaking too loudly.

Mr L was never married, he lived alone next door to my parents. All he had were his 5 shirts, 2 pants and a motorbike. We are not sure what furniture he had in his house, coz he’s never invited anyone in. (I know what shirts he had, coz he always washed them and hung them very neatly on the line outside.)

Every morning, Mr L would put on his best work shirt, and his best work pants which were three quarters long, barely reaching to his ankle. Then he’d get on his grumpy motorbike and coax it to start. That darn bike would spitter sputter and choke but would refuse to start till Mr. L did some tinkering and knocking here and there. Then off they’d go to work. Again, I’m not sure what he did for a living, but someone said he sold ice.

In the evenings, Mr L would come back, change to his tattered white singlet with holes here and there; and put on a different pair of three quarter length pants with thread dangling at the end. I’m not sure why his pants were always too short, perhaps he grew taller in his old age (he must be about 50 something) or perhaps his pants shrunk. Then Mr. L would pick up a long sharp stick and go check his barren brown, dry garden for any fallen leaves. He’d pick the leaves one by one, then go outside and sweep the leaves on the ground while mumbling and grumbling about why the government shouldn’t plant trees, for they create unnecessary mess with all the falling leaves.

Once a poor old cat sat in Mr. L’s very hard brown garden. I said poor cat, coz Mr. L picked up a long stick, held it with two hands and raised it above his head. Then slowly with his eyes popping out, he approached the cat, and chased it with all his might out of the garden, across the road and into the next lane. Now, if I was the cat, I’d never step in there EVER. And smart as cats are, none of them ever returned to this garden.

I’m not sure if Mr L ever ate well, but I know he listened to music at nights. Perhaps he had a very old record in his house? For we’d hear Chinese opera or Beethoven’s symphonies blasting ever so loudly, so loudly we’d hear it through the walls of my parent’s house, across the street and several streets down.

One fine day…Mr. L’s bike broke down. It spittered and sputtered as usual, but refused to start. So Mr L had no choice but to cycle to work. Now cycling on the very very busy highway is surely a very dangerous act, especially if the bike is an old rusty one with no reflectors. He met with an accident one day and landed in the hospital for a few days.

Thereafter he became a little afraid of cycling and started to buy parts hoping to build his motorbike again. I’m not sure why he didn’t just buy a brand new one. In the mean time, he had to cycle to work, but more cautiously.

Last week, Mr.L didn’t come home for a few days. We grew worried, but thought perhaps he’d decided to take a break and visit his sisters. My mum worried even climbed over the fence to make sure Mr. L had not fainted in his own house. 6th day came and no Mr. L. Then in the morning, my mum heard a boom on his door and went to see if Mr L had returned.

Alas, no Mr.L but his three sisters. Mr.L met with another accident, and the police only informed his family 3 whole days later. This time,…… Mr. L, did not survive. His sisters did not find anything in his house worth taking, they couldn’t even find the documents to the house in which he lived.Though he was somewhat strange, we will always miss the sounds of him tinkering and knocking the bike, the loud opera music and in a strange way, his loud complaining voice. Rest in peace Mr. L.

laundry

Yesterday I put some clothes in the washer to wash.....

Then I had to teach, get lunch for the children. and in the noon I and kids rushed off to the refugee center. we had a lovely time there, although it was hot and crowded with so many many children. There were moments I was near to tears when we all sang together, but I held back my tears...why should I cry in front of them, when they need encouragement instead, after going through such tough and trying times. When I read their stories...I cry.

Evening came, and we celebrated my dad's birthday at dinner come karaoke. was fun. Came home, and found my laundry smelling damp and yucky , still in the washer.

Today, I added a few clothes to yesterday's yucky damp clothes in the washer, and put them all for another round of washing.

Folded my very high pile of laundry, got lunch for the kids, did some important stuff and rushed off to the library coz books were due. Dad called to say shirt was too big, so I went to collect it and rushed off to the mall to have it changed.

Evening came, got home and realised that once again, I'd forgotten to dry the clothes. Again they smell yucky and damp. :(

TOmorrow will be day 3 and third time of washing the very SAME clothes that I put into the washer yesterday. Perhaps, I'll add just one or 2 more shirts and rewash them for the 3rd time. I don't know if I will remember to dry them tomorrow coz I've got a full day of teaching. I pray I will remember...coz right before my eyes, I see a few loads waiting to be washed...

A walk in the rain

We met up with some very dear friends who'd just come back from abroad. A lovely meeting after many years. We had been brainstorming about all the possible places to go..and in the end we went to a forest nearby.
Just before we left the clouds turned black.... but we decided to go ahead, hoping it'd be one of those showers that would end in just 5 minutes. Alas, we were wrong. As soon as we arrived it began to pour, and then drizzle and pour. I thank God that all of us were not the type to chicken out...and I must say our children were very brave and they enjoyed the rain tremendously. :)
We walked close to 2 hours on the track, mostly uphill, ..... through drizzle and sometimes very heavy rain. The two youngest of the lot, Jo and Md fell asleep at some point and the fathers had to carry an extra load of 12 kgs most of the way. :)
We finished the walk drenched in rain water, and some of us collected an extra souvenir on the way...leech bites followed by non stop oozing blood. haha........
All in all.....we decided it'd be a walk to remember for a long long time.

I enjoyed myself a lot too....I suppose we'll meet again in 3 to 4 years time? we'll plan something better next time yeah ? Perhaps East??

Grooming

my sis in law has been looking for a make-up class, wanting to improve herself in terms of dressing and make up.

As I was searching through my phone for a friend's no, I saw a number which I had listed under "grooming". I must have taken that number down a long time ago, but couldn't remember where from. Thinking it must be grooming for ladies, I called the number. A rather rude guy who spoke in broken English picked the phone up.

I asked, "Do you conduct grooming classes?"

He replied impatiently "yes, yes, .."

Wondering how the heck could a rude sounding guy conduct grooming classes for ladies, I asked again " you conduct grooming classes? Actually I'm looking for make up classes, do you of.."

Before I could finish the sentence, he replied "yes, yes lar, we offer everything, send me email, sms, sms! I will send you brochure." then he hung up.

I thought, perhaps he's just the rude clerk. Later when I checked my email, I received this from him....................

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.... now I remember where I took the "grooming" number from, - from a pet store, when I once considered trying grooming my own dog!! hahaha..... So, nope, don't think I'll be passing this brochure or no. to my sis in law. hehehe...

weaning

Well, the election has come and gone...was my first time voting. thought, I had to do my part as a citizen of this country...
The results are out, and really, it's just mind blowing, the way the results have turned out. :) the people have spoken, the message is clear, and I just pray that things in this country will start to improve. HOpefully the opposition will carry out the things they've said. Otherwise, I suppose things will swing the other way again in 2013. Nuf bout that. http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/ (<<-- go here to read more about it.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some updates on ze kids.

Jo's still strong headed as ever. I'm finally REALLY trying to wean her. The last few attempts were half hearted attempts...as I didn't want to loose that special bonding that comes with nursing. I've refused most of her requests for mummy's milk...and she kinda understands. Although she still begs for JUST one...and so I give in to just one.

There's mixed feelings in weaning.... first it's relieve that the sleepless nights will soon come to an end. Currently she wakes about twice a night instead of the usual 5-7 times. On the other hand...there is a tinge of sadness that she's no longer a baby...the baby that snuggles close to mama several times a day to be very close to mama. She loves to go off on her own to play now. However, the bonding which nursing brought about is still strong. Even when playing on her own, she returns every now and then to give me a hug, or say "I love you mum." :)
One drawback is, it is so VERY difficult to make her sleep nowadays. With nursing, that little girl is sedated in a very short time. Without nursing, it takes almost an hour to put this little monkey to sleep. She's very active.

Also, little Jo's imagination is very vivid and wild. The other day, I was about to just drop on the bed after a tiring day when she shouted "DON'T SIT!" I jumped up and asked "What????"
Jo replied "There's an ostrich on your bed, don't sit on it!"

oh well...blah blah blah. Nel's coping well in kindy. She loves it, and the teacher loves her. :) She's still struggling with the Chinese language.... but excels in all other subjects. ok, will end here....

or the kids will grow very wild soon without my supervision. :)

more 30 somethin thoughts

I woke very early this morning.....grudgingly, with creaky, squeaky sounds in every joint all over my aching body. It's been like that for a long time. the shoulder pain and the back pain is perennially there... Yeah, I've been recommended intensive physiotherapy by the doctor, but never got around to starting it.

Anyway, stepped into my bathroom to brush my teeth before starting my job for the morning which is driving my daughter and niece to kindy. I looked at the very large bathroom mirror which stretches from one end of the wall to the other. In the reflection I see the rising sun shining its very gentle and mellow rays through the shutters. The rising sun's ray is so kind as it casts a very beautiful glow on everything it touches, including me. It hides all the flaws which comes with age, and for a moment, I really look like I'm 18 all over again. *sigh* :) hahaha..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok, before you accuse me of being vain, admit it, if you've been mid 30's before...surely there have been moments when you noticed the changes in the body, and yearn for younger days. right? :) hmmm.....is this mid life crisis?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

on another note...have you ever gone to bed with a pair of undies which keeps getting stuck between the butt? it's horrible experience. No matter which side you roll, one side keeps getting stuck and you have to yank it out. It really causes imsomnia and sleeplessness. I'm gonna throw that one out today.

Am finally back from the wonderful trip to Kuching. At first, I really dreaded the thought of going back for the annual celebration of Chinese New Year.

In the first few years of our marriage, going back to his hometown, was a torture. They used to think that my hubby had brought back an "Ang moh" wife (white/European wife). It didn't matter that my skin showed I was Chinese, fact was that my Chinese language was hopeless and I had little knowledge of the Chinese culture.

WHenever we go back, we stay with my hubby's 4th brother. That big village house is home to two families - 2nd brother and 4th brother, and mum. Each family has 4 children, thus making a total of 13 people. I say I stay with 4th brother, coz they've kinda divided the house into 2 zones, and I stay in 4th bro's zone. Why they've divided it? go figure yourself.

During my first few years, 4th bro's wife was...let's say, not very friendly. I will not specify in what way.... but ....needless to say, it created negative thoughts in my mind concerning my hubby's hometown and I spent many days in the guest room wishing I was home.

My mum in law, however, is a precious gem. Wise, calm and loving. Whenever my Chinese was lacking, we conversed in Bahasa Malaysia. haha..... My company there in the initial years before I had my my own children, were the children there. They made my visits there tolerable. They used to poke their heads into my room, and before long, I became very good friends with them. :) We've had really good times together doing all sorts of fun things. :)

In the years that followed, through my close friendship with the children...and my decision to remain polite and calm no matter what,...... things began to change for the better. This Chinese New Year, I'm happy to say that I got on very well with the entire family, partly because my Chinese has improved somewhat since then. :)

I even cooked some dishes for them, which they enjoyed. :) The trip was really wonderful. We did about 5 days of travelling...mostly to beaches and National Parks, and 5 days of visiting with friends and family. Their kids, now teens and qualified drivers, did the driving. :)

I've to say that this time, I came away, missing that place and the wonderful people and the wonderful in laws very much. :)

It's really a "happening" place, in the sense that there's always people around...I mean, it IS that way because out of the 8 children my mum in law has, 5 of them and their families and their children's children, live on the same street. That's why it is so "lau juak" - a Hokkien word meaning,........err....meaning.....warm and crowded with people you love to be with.

ok, will try to get some pics up. and will put them up soon. In the mean time, Happy Chinese New Year, or Lunar New Year to my friends who celebrate it. :)

busy week

Christmas is around the corner and I am busy. There's presents yet to be bought. I have a very large extended family... and I've only bought half the presents. It's tradition that we meet at my grandma's every Christmas day or Christmas Eve. All my 10 aunts and uncles and their children and children's children will be there. It's also tradition to give gifts to the umarried.... Can you hear me sigh as I watch my bills escalating and my bank account depleting? haha... but then, yes, I love giving... it's nice to give and my children will get to receive.

To add to the "buzy-ness"..there's all the extra classes I have to teach this week to make up for my going away next week. I'll be off to Sabah (East Malaysia) to witness my cousin's wedding by the beautiful ocean. I so look forward to that.

Not forgetting, I have 3 dinners to cook for. 3!!! well..I'll be making a turkey for grandma's, a Sheperd's Pie for a combined dinner with friends, and a whole meal at my own place.

I've not finalized my menu.... (the one at my own house.).. To date, the menu is gonna be

-Roast Turkey
-Sheperd's Pie
-Fettuccini with Creamy Tomato Italian Sausage Sauce
- Yam Rice (chinese style)
-Salad or long thin beans cooked with ham and herbs

If you have any suggestions to add to my menu, please feel free to advice. :) or better still, if you can come and help me out in the kitchen, I'd be absolutely delighted! haha...

Merry CHristmas to you my beautiful friends!

Today...

Today started off as a really good day. My hair looked perfectly in place, shiny, bouncy and good. My skin glowed despite the very little sleep I had gotten. (yeah, Jo was super waky the whole of last night!!)
Well…put on my sky blue shirt, some earth-red colored lipstick and my beautiful turquoise colored earrings. Sprinkled a little bit of Sunflower perfume and went off to teach my morning piano students.

Felt really good today…felt young and vibrant. It’s amazing what your feelings can do to you, coz even the people I met today commented that I looked good.

Well it continued that way, till getting down from my car, I caught a glimpse of me in the mirror and noticed the fine wrinkles forming around the corner of my eyes. I was temporarily reminded that I was fast approaching middle age. Shooked off that feeling and went on doing stuff……….TILL I popped in to 7-11 to grab a roll of wrapping paper for my little niece’s present.

Dang those fellows, they surely spoilt my day. I asked for wrapping paper and they said “Wait ah AUNTY, let me go check to see if we have some.” A few moments later the guy reemerged and said “Sorry Aunty, no wrapping paper lar.”

I went back, sat on the bed, and reevaluated myself, giving myself terrible points for everything. One ratty word and that spoilt my day. Aunty indeed! Bah!

But hey, they day ain’t over yet, it’s just 630pm, and I’ve got a birthday party to go to. Gonna spruce myself up, shake off that mid 30’s feeling and enjoy the rest of the day. I can’t help feeling tired with kids and motherly duties. I wish I had all my kids when I was in my 20’s when energy was boundless and sleepless nights would be nothin.

Sigh………….ok,ok. Wake up girl; where’s the optimism I had this morning. Better go find it. But it’s always this way in the evenings when energy runs low.

rain rain

today as usual, I headed for my morning lecture at the university. After lecturing for about an hour, it began to thunder and storm outside! There was hardly any point in trying to beat the sound of the roaring rain, so I had my students do some work while I walked around to check on their progress.

Anyway, instead of leaving straight for home...I was stuck with no umbrella. So we talked a little about their future plans and all. Most of them have not even thought about it. They are Sooo into enjoying their current lives, partying hard, having every expense paid for by their parents or a bank loan (paid back by their parents.) This is the current generation. They have little value for money, have no idea what hardship or responsibility is like. They just spend spend spend and have fun. Well, I kinda gave them a little lecture today, coz the results were poor. I painted them a picture of reality and that set some of them thinking seriously for they will graduate soon in a year.

Anyway.... yeah, after that, they went on to their next class, while I stood on the porch watching that torrential rain falling hard and quickly from the seamless sky. I stood there for an HOUR! What an hour. Finally, I ran to the car.... soaking wet. Thank God no students were around or they might have seen my "see through" "wet look" blouse and hair. Not very nice. haha..

It continued to rain the entire day till the evening...then I got out, with my camera again (a cheap one...I'm bugging my husband for a better one.) My garden though small, is a lovely place to be after the rain. The children love it too. Nel loves watching the flowers, Baby J loves plucking the flowers and throwing pebbles. :)

a flower I brought back from Maxwell

Japanese Rose

Pebbles on my lawn

Part of my spice plant (Bunga Kantan-totally aromatic)

Nel holding a flower from the garden wall creeper

Nel checking out the little wild plant from Maxwell

Recently there has been a spate of gruesome murders of innocent babies, toddlers and children. Sadly most of these children were murdered by someone known to them. In one of the most recent cases, a mother on the verge of divorce moves in with her boyfriend and child. The child is found dead with her body cut up into three sections and disposed off in various places. Sickening................. the suspect, the mum's boyfriend.

In another case, a young couple with two children, a toddler and a baby decide to move into a rented apartment. Prior to the move, the children were cared for by the girl's mum. Barely a week since bringing the children home, the toddler is dead. Abused...and hit in the face and various parts of the body. Suspects....parents.

My imagination goes wild, and I try to control myself from thinking how the child must have suffered.... I feel their pain. Why are people having children when they do not have the finances, patience and time to care for them? I think many couples are pressured to children because society expects one to have children after marriage. I mean, at every wedding dinner (here in this country), we always toast to longetivity and fruitfulness...and we tell the couple to quickly multiply.

But I think...having children is a BIG responsibility that requires much of ones time, energy and finances. Babies and toddlers can test ones patience to the max by their crying, tantrums, night wakings etc. I suppose these irresponsible, impatient parents try to subdue the child with beatings, torture and abuse. The child cries out more and more because of pain..and the parents become more abusive...often causing tremendous hurt, trauma and sometimes death to their children. It's sad.

I think...people should really think hard before procreating. They should be given some kinda warning or guideline before the decision to have a child...............

I met Dr. Quack at the clinic! Really QUACK DOCTOR!

well...it's been weeks now since the havoc with Baby J's appetite started. Today was just as disastrous. I put her on her chair and she started standing up refusing to even sit. So I let her sit in the adult chair, and offered to her several types of food. There were fish fingers, sweet corn, rice, porridge, potatoes. Well...she refused them all! arrghhh....
___________________________________
On another note...we're having a fund raising event in July, for a good cause. Well, we've been asked to organize a little band, and I've been appointed as keyboardist. Today was the first practice. It's strange how awkward I felt, and somehow that sense of confidence which I always had wasn't there. It just shows that I've gotta REALLy get back into music...for too much time out can really pull down that sense of confidence. Let's hope this event will boost my confidence a bit, especially with playing in a band.
__________________________________
And finally, yes, I'm down with the horrible flue too. I went to nearest clinic where there's this really good lady doctor from India. Somehow she was on leave yesterday and another doctor stood in for her. I call him Dr. "Quack" ! This doctor "quack" as I call him, speaks with really thick accent. He looks at you with big bulging eyes, and wears this thick thick moustache which curls upwards. He has messy hair, messy clothings and comes way too close when he talks! Here is the conversation which I had with this doctor last night. Read it and you'll know why I call him Dr. Quack!

"I have the flue doctor...." I said.
He asked me to open my mouth and then said "Ah, your right tonsil is swollen. Oh, then you should drink more soup. Soup will cure you."

"More soup?" I asked

He said "Yes, and add LOTS of salt in the soup. Salt and pepper does wonders."" It'll kill all the bacteria in your throat." he added, shaking his head from side to side to emphasize his words.

I stared at him in disbelief and kept quiet. Then he told me that my blood pressure was really low. So I asked him what I should do about it.

He replied without blinking his eyes, "You have to drink more milk."

"More milk?" I asked again...this time with eyes wide opened.

"Yes, he replied. Milk is good. It'll give you extra oxygen which you need to boost the blood pressure. Milk will carry all the oxygen to your blood stream. You don't know ah? Milk got oxygen what." he said, coming too near to me, eyes popped wide opened.

"Are you sure?" I asked... while staring at his moustache and taking note of his untidy apprearance.

"Yes, yes, milk gives extra oxygen. And take it only in the morning. If you take at night you will grow fat coz when you go to sleep, all your cells, those fellas in your body, go to sleep too." Said the doctor. And then he went on to say "you can take other milk products too, like ice cream, chocolate, chocolate cake, cheese." "Yeah, and take 4 kg's of garlic in a month. That will definitely cure your low blood pressure. Oh, and exercise. Only cycling, swimming is not good, will not cure you. Remember to take lots of garlic." "If all that don't work, go see a doctor."

I wonder why he didn't say "come back and see me."By this time I'm ready to walk out, but my dear husband is really listening to the doctor, coz he is really a patient man who will not offend anybody.

And then my dear husband says, "wow, in that case, I should try to take milk at night, coz I can't seem to put on any weight at all!" (It's true, coz my husband is thin, and I wish I could eat like him and not put on weight! not fair!)
My husband continues by popping a question. "Dr, is it true that the tonsils control your metabolic rate?"

I swear my eyes almost buldged out...and I wonder what the heck was my husband asking? I waited for Dr. "Quack's" reply...and here's how he reacted.
The Doctor took a big, deep breath as if stunned by my husband's question. He gave one, two coughs and cleared his throat loudly. THen he replied ...
"Well...tonsils?? ahem...well.....YES, yes, in some cases tonsils control your metabolic rate and weight...but not in all people...just in some. Yes, tonsils can control your weight."

I'm about to burst out laughing. So I stand up and say "hon, our children are getting impatient, let's go." So we left. He prescribed me lozenges, cough med, antibiotics, anti swelling med, and two more meds which I didn't bother to look at. Later I asked my husband how in the world does tonsils control metabolic weight. My husband realised his mistake. He meant to say thyroid glands.

Anyway, I'm really confused with this Dr now, I've to go find out if there was any truth in anything he said. If I'm to follow his advice, I've to drink lots of salty/peppery soup, take lots of milk, chocolate and ice-cream and only cycle and not swim. And i have to take at least 1 kg of garlic a week. hahaha..... what will happen to me then? ahahahha....

Was my last post too depressing? Sometimes I fear too much don't I? I tend to think too much. Am I paranoid? or is it normal for mothers to think that way sometimes? tell me mothers...if you think I'm worrying for nothing, or if you sometimes feel this way too?

Anyway, here's something not depressing. :) Have you ever brought your child with you on a date with your husband? I have. Last valentines. It was a disaster. Coz while everyone else were a couple, we were FOUR! and while other couples were looking into each other's eyes, yeah, with that teary, glittery eyes that seem to gaze into eternity.... bodies hunched forward, fingers lightly touching...whispering sweet words........

there we were, the four of us!! Forget looking into my husband's eyes. All my attention were on the children less they should break some of the expensive plates and glasses on the dining table! Baby J had the spoons and forks clanging on the tables....which really spoiled the atmosphere..(I know, coz I had a few unhappy glares from couples nearby), N was chattering away and sometimes singing loudly....

Ooh, then the apetizers arrived. If you're a mum, you know the mess they make when they feed themselves!!! Aarrrghhhh..... the clean carpeted floor gradually turned yukky with bits of this and that which dropped from J and N's seats. (more nasty stares). Then the main course arrived. I had ordered this succulent piece of steak with creamy, slighty spicy special mushroom sauce topping. yummm....... the smell is.......arrghhhh....enough to make me salivate thinking about it now. So, smiling at my husband, I picked up my carving knife and fork...ready to take a bite of the steak...when N uttered these words "MUM, I WANT TO PANGSAI NOW!!..CANNOT WAIT ALREADY! Oohh...ahhh...........(while moving her bum to express the urgency of it all)." (translation: Mum, I need to poop now!)

urrrghhhhh.....after taking her to the ladies and cleaning her all up. That tempting piece of steak somehow, did not smell or look or taste as delicous anymore. Well, for one, I cannot even look at the sign "toilet" during meal times, let alone step into one. My imagination runs wild.

So next time, if it's valentines or anniversary, the kids will stay home with grandma!! and let me be the one to give nasty stares to other people who bring children. hahaha....

There is an offer for a full time position available to me whenever I Want to take it. Sometimes it is tempting to take up that offer, especially when the pocket gets tight. It’s hard sometimes going to the mall and watching the “dressy” ladies/datins splurge on all the branded clothing and bags and accessories. They open their wallets big for all to see and take their time in picking the big dollar notes or they take time in deciding which credit card they would like to use. I often hear them telling the sales customer “wait ah, let me see….should I use this one, or this one or this one….hahaha…..my husband pay for all one lar.”

Sometimes I become a little envious, because unlike them, I go to the mall with a tight budget in hand, like maybe 200RM. I go with a specific mission. Like today, the mission was “get a birthday present for dad, and one for grandma.” I entered the mall…and there was the word “SALES SALES SALES” everywhere!!!!!!! It just came booming on my weak brains and will power…and I felt the magnetic pull towards some of the shops. Without thinking twice, I bought myself that wonderful fragrant shower gel and cream from Body Shop. After paying, I moaned quietly, as I remembered my tight budget!

It’s strange…but going with a tight budget is so hard to keep! I have to fight my wants ever so often, and swallow my saliva more often coz I’m salivating while window shopping! :) Often I end up blowing it (my budget) by buying things I shouldn’t be buying. Then, I have no choice but to proceed to the ATM machine to draw more cash to pay for the items that I WAS supposed to buy. And after withdrawing the money, I remember that I did that JUST last week…and so I’ve overdrawn for the month and blown my goal of saving at least xxxx amount of money this month. So I go home with a sigh and regrets for blowing my budget. I get flashbacks of all the ladies with many shopping bags and become envious of their big spending POWER, either coz they have very rich husbands, or they have very bad credit card debts (which they don’t give a d*** about) or because they have high paying jobs.

As for me, I don’t have a very rich husband, (though a very loving one), I don’t own a credit card (I’ve cut it up), and neither do I own a high paying job. I only work part time, and that’s only enough to pay for basic necessities and a little extra for children’s books and stuff. (ok...and some earrings every now n then......i can't resist earrings)

SO what do I do? Take the carrot and go back to the full time job? At least that guarantees fixed income every month, which is certainly better than the amount I get now. But what about the kids? My mum can’t look after them everyday of the week! SO I’d have to throw them in some baby sitter’s place, let them grow accustom to the habits and lifestyle of the baby sitter and say “kiddos, from now on, instead of looking at you all 12 hours a day, it’ll just be 2 or 3 hours a day.” Have fun!

Arrrghhh……….sometimes the decision is tough. There are women who make it big on career and loose their families, but there are also those who are successful both at work and home. But best is a mum with a flexible career so she can have time with kids. Hey wait a minute! I have a flexible job, and I have time with kids. Wow! So maybe I should just go to the mall less and be thankful that I have both in my hands. *sigh* “Lord, remind me to be thankful for what I have….though Lord, ummm….I wouldn’t mind a little pay rise? Thank you.”

butts n abs

hnhN's 5th birthday is coming up this Wed! so grandma decided to take her shopping today to buy her some new shoes. :)
So we were out looking for her shoes, and she finally got a pair of lovely pink sandals with flowers on the top. I got her new swimming board with lovely pictures of dolphins. (I'm crazy of dolphins and whales...and I think I've influenced her to like them too.)

Well, while shopping, I had to stop to look at some really pretty skirts for myself. I love wearing skirts, but I always have to make sure they're A cut. However, today, many of the pretty skirts are the long, flare kind. *sigh*....I've tried those, but they SURE make my butt look big!! It's not fair. In today's fashion, at least, in this part of the world... small butts are almost a must, that is, small butts and flat stomach. coz now most of the shirts are long and flare too...which is almost certain to make me look pregnant if I ever tried them!

I don't understand how teens nowadays have such FLAT behinds! I wonder did they chomp off the meat? OK, so once I wore a Sari (Indian outfit) and my indian friends commented "WOW, you look REALLY good in sari, coz you've got a hip and a butt to carry it!"
Yeah, so what? I can't be wearing a sari everyday of the week!

So, what do I do to have a flatter butt? I don't know. WHat do I do to have a flatter tummy? I don't know..I've been working hard, but the results are slow. I've gotta have stronger determination. Some of these butt, thigh and ab exercises are killers!

Anyway, I hope this fashion trend passes soon and something else will come in. I'm tired of looking at all these long flare clothes which will not suit me. Anyway, if all else fails, I still have my favourite Denim skirts. :)

the longing for "freedom"

my store room is a giant mess.... I can't believe how much stuff we've collected in the 5 years we've stayed in this house! So unable to stand it anymore, I started taking out stuff one by one... a very tiring and *aaaa-chooooooooooooo* exercise. lots of dust!

I was just in the mood to throw, so regardless of whether the stuff had sentimental value or not, whatever I'd not used for 2 years, I just threw and threw! and man it felt good!!! hahaha....
Anyway, I chanced upon an old box of stuff...and upon opening it, I found so many photo albums taken in my early 20's. I can't help but realise how much I've aged since then! ok, so I'm not yet 35, but still there's a vast difference in look between a 20 year old and a 30 something. *sigh*

I long for that body of the 20 somethin again! hahaha... working hard on it. but I also long for that energy, zeal and "fire" I had! where has it gone? ...it just poofed out of the window.

There were albums of back packing trips across the US. I looked so young and free. I suppose the key word here is "free." I was free to travel, to do as I liked... I earned my own money working part time, and I spent it on travel. I didn't have to worry about household matters, a husband and kids. I did what I liked, and when I liked.

Now, whatever money I safe, I dare not spend. They are mostly for the kids. Raising kids is an expensive investment here. Everything is expensive. I dare not travel out of the country for it will waste too much money. We just do short trips nowadays. Even if I traveled, I have to lug around 2 kids, change their diapers, make sure they're fed, have their noon naps... etc etc. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy motherhood. Just today, I suddenly miss and long for that feeling of being "free" without a care, except for exams.

Ah...the life of a student is the best. Lotsa holidays..lotsa free hours. Perhaps I will have this "freedom" again when my children are 10 or 12 and independent. but what if I happen to have no. 3 come along? haha....

Last night was strange..I dreamt I went back to the US to do a second Masters, smack in the middle of Spring! can you tell how much I miss that place? it was like second home. oh well..that's it for now. When I feel like it.maybe I'll post some of the travel photos....if I get time....ifff.....if....................................

I just looked at the photos of Buchard Gardens in Victoria. So beautiful.......

today was my second day at the gym. Dang they are STILL trying to sell me gym packages ammounting to 1800. I would like to exercise in peace without somebody hounding me, wanting my money!

well, I tried the mat pilates today, and realise how weak my muscles have become!! oh man, I mean, there were ladies as old as 60 in my class, and they had no problems doing some of those exercises. As for me, in many of those exercises, I was actually shaking coz my muscles were so weak!! hahaha... I probably looked like a vibrating machine or someone going into convulsions! haha...
Hopefully with time i will strengthen. In Pilates they stress that everything starts from the strength of the core muscles.

As for my kids, they are doing well. little one is quite amazing.... she picks up her toys after play, she throws her own diapers away after a change..she says please when she wants something...and welcome and thankyou etc etc. haha...it is really easy to just love her and let her get away with her little pranks. I have to remind myself not to spoil her.

As for N...she has a new habit of screaming when things are not done quickly. I have to remind myself to practice patience with her so she will learn patience. She asked me a question last week about how babies were made. and she's only 5!! haha.... For right now, she thinks that marriage is when a man gives flowers to a lady. She thinks that if you wish for a baby you will get one. So she asked me why not I wish for one, as she wants a baby brother! but how can I guarantee that if I try for a baby that God will give me a boy?

Sometimes there is so much pressure to get a boy! What is it about the superiority of boys? Well, pressure doesn't come from my parents! thank goodness, but from the in laws.

okie doke..over and out here....

gym

SO what did I write about yesterday? oh yeah..music....
I finally got into action..and for the first time in 5 years composed. Yeah, wrote a short piece for piano. I looked at it again today, and I have to say, I dislike some of it, and like some of it. Like I said, I am very critical of my own work...and have many times discarded them. Wonder if this one will keep?

HOpefully...if I can produce something like 24 short pieces..I'll be able to publish a book of short piano pieces. That'll be cool. Let's see how things continue... If I keep being inspired, I should be able to do it.
....... but if things keep drawing me away, then it'll just be another piece, written in my manuscript book, unperformed.....left to rot until I rediscover it again few years from now.

ok, let's try to be more optimistic eh....I'll set myself a target and hope to meet it.

On a diff note, I decided enough of my back pains. I suffer from really severe back pains sometimes, with horrible pains in the shoulders and neck which robs me of any decent sleep. I have been to like 4-5 diff physiotherapists and doctors..and they don't help very much. I decided today to sign up at a gym with a personal instructor hoping to strengthen my back muscles. Let's see how it goes...i hope this will work, as I'm getting so sick of the pain.

Other than that...nothing much.

Music

It's strange to be in such a quiet blog space after the active one I had at msn live spaces......

On another issue...my life as a musician. That part of me has somewhat been going down the drain since the birth of my children. After the first child, I continued by being keyboardist and pianist at church, and occasionally arranging choir parts for the choir. After my second child...I'm not even a musician anymore! although yes, I still teach music and lecture part time in a higher institution.

However, recently while at church...I could not help but feel a tugging, nudging at my heart...a yearning to be back in the music band. I suppose I've always had that call since childhood. It's amazing, but I've been a musician at church since the age of 10 ..... I was also in dance and drama.

So...I feel the string at my heart being tugged once again...to be a musician. I suppose I will not be able to hold back much longer...I have to get back on the keyboards...for when I'm on it...I'm at home. it's a strangs feeling that I cannot express...for when I'm playing on the piano/keyboard at church...my hands turn really warm..and the music flows..not from my heart, but from divine inspiration...which does strange things to my heart and mind. it must be the Holy Spirit.

APart from that...there's another new thing...that is, I feel I need to compose again, something I've given up 5 years ago. Will I be able to do it? I feel so out of it....I feel it so foreign to me....
but....if I don't try... I may totally walk away from it, away from composing.

It is hard being a composer...esp me, I am critical of my own compositions..I've thrown many of them away. If they are performed in public...I disappear...simply coz I can't bear to know if the audience loves it or not.
I remember a performance at university..I disappeared immediately after the performance, refusing to meet audiences. Some people called me up to ask where I was, saying the loved the piece. but that's me. Coz you now, no matter what composition, there's bound to be people who love it, and people who hate it....there's tonnes of music critics out there....and I'm not very good at facing them.
today's entry has been too long....I suppose I wil just end here....