i never knew I'd grow to fall in love with them when I first hosted them. Puia and Esther are refugees from Myanmar, and I'd say, it was God's plan for us to meet. Sometimes they put up at my brother's place, and sometimes mine.

I've lots of memories with them...beautiful memories. But it all came to an end too soon, far too soon. I know they've gone to a better country where they will have full right to education and a better life instead of living in constant fear of being detained, raped or asaulted by local authorities. I'm thankful the UN has sped up their application, allowing them to leave in less than 2 years.

but as they left last night...I felt a part of me breaking. How did I allow myself to fall in love so much with these beautiful children...but I'm glad I did. I don't know when we'll meet again...

It's crazy, but I found myself crying the night....and as I drove myself to university for the very first class of this semester this morn, I again cried. I scolded myself for I could not show up with red and puffy eyes, especially when I'm the lecturer. it's ridiculous right? it is...I shouldn't be feeling and crying like this. but truth is I miss them.

Etched in my memory are the good times, the last hug where I just didn't want to let go..hearing them say I love you..their kisses on my cheek....i miss them it hurts. I really hope time will rationalize me and numb these feelings quickly so it'll be more bearable.

in the mean time, I pray that the work done by the UNCHR will be recognized here, coz until they do, the refugees here will continue to suffer abuse from certain parties..

tough days

There are days when the area in my throat is tight from nagging, my lips are thinly pursed, and my muscles tensed. Sometimes it can be overwhelming having to juggle children, household chores and work.

There are days when the children seem out of hand, refusing to obey rules, whining and complaining…and I’m trying to drive them so that work can get done, and the house can be neat all before my students arrive in the noon for music classes, particularly before the fussy parent arrives.

Today is such a day. I’ve cleaned the house so many times, yet there are still some toys strewn here and there, and crumbs beneath the study table. Jodie’s changed clothes 4 times today and it’s not even evening yet. I’ve given her several warnings. Danelle’s been day dreaming instead of focusing on work. Piles of laundry await folding and washing. In the kitchen there is a mini flood coz Jodie’s been making drinks again and left a puddle of water in the middle. and right now they're fighting over which movie to watch.

I know, I will not have time to cook dinner again, coz the day is gonna be packed with students and replacements. So I’ll probably throw in some spaghetti with sauce, grab a very quick bite during the very short evening break.Whatever bits of time I have, are minutes snatched in between to pour out my thoughts on the blog, check a little facebook... and sometimes to complete a painting..bits and pieces here and there.

Yeah…some days just seem so unbearable.

Truly without God I might get depressed somedays. But He gives me strength, joy and inspiration when I need it, especially when teaching my own children and other children. For what’s the point of teaching unless I truly love what I’m doing. [and yes, I do love teaching]

Ah yes, He [God] gives me the strength which I need, to juggle all. I guess, He’s given that strength and endurance to most mothers. If we don’t have it, then we need to look to Him and ask, and then it all becomes more bearable.

To my cousin with twins...God is your strength, remember that. love you.

Of late, the pain in my neck, and back seems worse. I also get these tension headaches almost everyday, and sleep is often disturbed. I've seen a rheumatologist and orthopaedic, and they all say nothing's wrong. So there's nothing wrong? but the pain in my body persists.

I'm now seeing a chiropractor. So far, he's hardly done any chiropractor stuff. What he does is dry needling and trigger point massage.
Dry needling hurts, for me at least. It feels like a needle inserted into a nerve causing a painful sensation. So far, it's been 4 sessions. He says, it'll take a while before I feel any relief, since my pain is rather chronic. Let's pray and hope it will bring relief, coz I'm sick of the pain, really sick of it.
I know, I hardly write like this....I guess, I've come to the limit of what I can bear. I feel tired most days.

Putting that aside, today I taught at the refugee center. What can I say, their struggles are far more than what I've ever endured. Stuck in between nowhere, no legal status, fear of being caught and tortured.... life is certainly not fair for them. For those who've gotten UN approval to go on to new countries, I rejoice with them. For those who are still stuck here.... I pray for them. The children are such eager learners....they absorb stuff like sponges. What a joy to teach them. :)

I hear there is another group nearby. They've requested for help, many children there, and they don't even have food somedays....

Perhaps...if you know some refugee centers near you, you could do something to help. My life is kinda interesting at this point, I still lecture at the university on some days, I have some private students, and then I spend half of the hours teaching orphans and refugees.

As for my children, they come with me when I teach. I think it's good for them. They observe what I do. When we eat with them (the refugees), my children help to serve food to these less fortunate children. Truly it is more blessed to give then to receive.

end of post. I know....mostly rambling. Will end here...raining outside..how lovely :)

some days, I feel like I'm climbing a mountain made of rice. I climb and climb but get nowhere.
I try my best, but stuff keeps slipping by me.
Sometimes in glee, i think that the mountain is finally somewhat getting smaller, shorter .....and then someone pours a new bag of rice on the mountain which I already cannot conquer.
Perhaps I should just jump into the rice? but then, I might get buried in there and suffocate. Or should I just wish for some water to cook the whole mountain of rice. Nah, I'd just get cooked right with it, and it'll get too darn hot.
perhaps, I should just turn around and sit my butt on that mountain and slide right down and walk away....

but that too is impossible.....

today, i drove an hour to work. 5 mins before lecture, I was so darned thirsty, and realised I'd left my water bottle at home. NO canteen nearby. However, there was a water dispenser in the office, but NO paper cups. Desperate for some water, while the secretaries were away, I grabbed the fax paper, made a cone and "collected" some water in it and drank whatever was left after half of it leaked through the sides onto the carpet.

After work, drove an hour home, picked Jo from my mum's. Drove another 50 mins to pick Nel from school and got home darned tired. Helped Nel with homework, wiped up the stinking pee left by my dog, cleaned dishes did laundry. So darn tired, and now I can't sleep. *sigh* [it's 12:28am]

Oh yeah, Nel has received her first warning at school. She finished this Chinese Science homework and passed it up a few days ago. Now teacher is asking her where is that book! Her teacher said "where is the book? bring it tomorrow or you'll get the cane!"

Darn teacher. Give my child a break, this is just the first week at school! I can't find that book at home, perhaps she's passed it on to the wrong teacher? my dear sis-in-law will be speaking to the teacher on behalf of me tomorrow. hope Nel will be spared the cane or they (the teachers) shall see my wrath befall them !! (that is, if I can speak in broken Chinese, or they can understand my English.) *more sighs*

Ever since Jo was born, we've had help with the housework. Recently, we decided to do away with that help, and life has been different. My life of luxury has been removed and when I wake up each day, I wonder where to start.

Well, I don't really have to wonder, coz the first thing I see is the pile of laundry stinking the house. When I get that load of laundry to the washing machine, I see the mess of pee and poo that my dog's left in the laundry area. I think my crazy over excited dog has a bladder control problem. He pees far too much!

Oh yeah, I also have my two little "crumbsters", i'll call them that coz they leave crumbs, and spills and toys everywhere (although they're learning now to clean up themselves). Apart from them, there's also the poopy rabbits on my porch. THey never suffer from constipation, they seem to have problem keeping poo in their bodies. They leave a mountain of poop for me each day!

ahhh...the list goes on and on. For this week, I'll survive, as I'm on a break. Come next week.....*shivers* I'll have to learn to cope. For I work now 5 days a week....
if all gets a little too tough...I'll have to do something.

First on the list....
----- get rid of rabbits
----- bug hubby till he gets me a dryer. Drying takes too much time...especially with rainy weather, rewashing and redrying takes farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too much time!
------- keep Camel the mad dog in a cage when I'm not around
----move into a one bedroom hut to minimize cleaning (preferably built on stilts with holes between floor planks to minimize sweeping.)
------ get rid of all plates, leaving one per person to discourage random use of plates and cups
------ get rid of all clothes leaving 2 per person to discourage unnecessary change of clothes

Any other suggestions????? (I'll be happy to get some.)

Anyway, my kids have been kinda cute. Sometimes when they notice me doing work, they come along and queue up, little Jo behind Nel. They stand straight and say out loudly "Mummy's Helpers are Here! How may we help you!" haahha.....

the other day I told them to help me by bringing in their own clothes from the laundry line. After a while, they were still outside, and I went to peek. This is what they were doing...

Nel took down a trousers and said "Jo, this will look nice on your head." She put it on Jo's head as a hat. Next she took down a shirt "Jo, this will look nice as a cape." she tied it around Jo's neck. WHen they were done, little Jo walked in with clothes tied all around her body. She looked really funny and amusing. :) haha....


ok....ciao. gotta go...... work to do. Lecture begins next week too....I haven't prepared my notes... and filled in all documents.... heck, don't care. Gonna take the kids out today. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!!!!!!!!!

I had SVT (heart palpitation) again last weekend....this time hubby wasn't around. I tried some of the self physical maneuver the doctors have taught me, but it still refused to stop. After a while, I found that I started to see black if I stood up, and I was beginning to feel shortness of breath and numbness in my elbows and tightness in chest. Having no choice, I called my dad, and he rushed over to send me to the hospital. (3rd time this year.)

5 mins before we arrived at the hospital, it suddenly stopped. Still I asked to see the doctor. My blood pressure was still low and heart rate was still at about 130. In my previous SVT attack, my heart rate was at about 200plus. I was asked to lie down and rest till the heart rate dropped further and then I was allowed home. I have an appointment with a specialist this week. *sigh*

I've had this since teenage. But all these years, the episodes have been rare, perhaps once a year..and they last no longer than 10 minutes. But this year alone, it's occured 3-4 times, each time lasting longer. The one I just had lasted an hour. It's certainly not a comfortable feeling at all. Well, will see what the specialists say.

Anyway, this is my last week of teaching before I take a 2 week break. Can't wait. :)

today i thought...how nice if my life were not as it is....
I wish....that I lived somewhere on an island,
where I do not have to drive another mile,
where I do not have to rush for the next appointment..

today i thought...how nice if I ran a bed and breakfast cottage
homeschooled my children on the island..
had plenty of leisure time..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

but then I'm reminded of what I heard in church last Sunday..... for some reason...I was so touched...I could barely contain my emotions. The message came after a sleepless saturday night when I questioned so many things...such as the meaning to life, the reason for my existence, the purpose of our actions, my goal in life... [no, no, I'm not depressed...i just ponder on these questions sometimes..when life becomes so mundane, hectic and meaningless...]

I'm currently reading about Hudson Taylor's life, trying to get my focus back on track. Perhaps it will inspire me in some way, or change my perspective of life

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
also...of late, I'm getting more adult students. it is encouraging to see these ladies, as old as 50 wanting to learn something new. It is every bit as rewarding as teaching a 6 year old. :) I'm inspired by them, by their love of learning,.... and hope that as a teacher I will be able to inspire them.

too much to do..

i've not written anything in 2 weeks....
.. that's tough for me, coz I like writing.
From writing almost everyday ---
--to only once in 2 weeks.....
All of a suDDeN.....i have nothing in my head.
it's not really like I have nothing in my head,
actually i have tonnes to think about,
TOO much to think about,
too MUCH to do.... and thus,
....nothing to write....


**I need to quit analysing so much, quit thinking so much, quit feeling so much, quit trying to read into everything..how do I shut my mind up???? but then if I quit all these, i'd just be an existing piece of blob...haha...**

me hard working? nah..

Gl recently played a game of tag in which we were supposed to describe each other, based on what we know of each other through our blogs.

Here's how she described me "generous, hard working and a bit hard on yourself, in touch with your artistic and intellectual sides. "

Well, dear G, you were mostly right, except for the hard working part. :)
I wouldn't say I'm very hardworking. :) I do a lot of things, not coz I'm hard working though, but because I like variety. Like I have 3 diff kinda jobs right now (all part time), coz one job would be too monotonous for me. (I dislike monotonous stuff, I detest paper work, I dread meetings...ho ho ho...don't let my bosses read this. ) and sometimes,.... I like to do nothing at all, except to laze around with a book or 2.

Anyway, I'd like to tell you a story from a bit of my life which will give you a little more idea of what I'm really like (most of the time). I still remember this was in Iowa in 1997. I took a research class and one of the assignments was to write a 20 page paper on any research topic. I chose to study Indian music, as in traditional Indian music from India. We were given about 3 weeks to complete the assignment.

I went to the library, grabbed about 20 books off the shelf and borrowed them. Once home, the books sat on my table untouched for many days. As the dateline drew nearer, I began just flipping through the pages of some of the books. Where I thought the information was relevant, I folded the corner of the pages. That was it, and the books remained again untouched, but somewhat scattered around the room, due to my slightly disorganized nature. (I did think however, about stuff which I might write about..it was mostly organized in my thoughts.)

1 day before the paper was due, my neighbour who lived in the basement offered me a free ticket to a football game. I couldn't resist a football game (especially when U of Iowa was going to play against Northwestern)! so I agreed to go. I went to the game, and really regretted it, coz no.1, it started snowing halfway through the game and I only had my spring jacket on. No. 2, the guy had other intentions then just watching the game. (that is a diff story, but I can tell you, I hopped seat to seat trying to get away from him.)

Anyway, game finished, and U of Iowa lost. disappointing. I got home and it was evening and the paper was due first thing in the morning. I still did not panic.

Somewhere around 8 or 9pm, the panic kicked in. I started opening the books to the folded pages and began typing all the important references and information I would have to use. Then my roommate CYee came in, and instead of doing our work, we decided to take pictures to relieve some of the self-inflicted stress. (she too had an assignment due).

About midnight or 1am, I started typing furiously. I rearranged sentences, paragraphs, typed in thoughts and worked like crazy, writing and rewriting. I remember not sleeping at all that night. I got it done in the nick of time, put on my winter coat and walked out in that bitterly cold morning (about 8am) towards the nearest computer lab. That time, though the paper was done, the panic was full blown, coz it'd not been printed yet! and class was at 9am. (I remember trembling in nervousness!)

I managed to get it printed, rushed to class which was on the other side of the river (a good half hour's walk from the lab.) Got there just on time, handed in the paper and slumped down on my chair relieved.

Since then, I've told myself never to repeat such a thing. Sometimes I've succeeded in planning ahead, but mostly I remain last minute, well not so last minute nowadays (last hour?). The results came out and I scored an A-. I know, had I been more hard working, I would've gotten that A. but you know, it's hard to change.....

Does this tell you a little more bout me G? (or did you suspect it already? :) )

My roommate CYee taking a pic amongst my books. (CYee, we had such good times didn't we?? I really miss those days...)

Me, in that horrible hairstyle, taking pics with my clutter of books...at about 2 or 3 am in the morn .)

it's been raining almost everyday... i love the rain, love the smell of it outside my window...love the way it cools down the day, love the smell of fresh wind blowing through my window.

I don't like the fact that time flies by so quickly. Just last week, I registered Nel for primary school. Come December, I will go get her her first set of primary books, her first pinafore, her first white school shoes, her first bag with wheels as I've been told they have to carry a lot of books.

After debating whether to home school her or to enrol her in a Chinese school, we've decided to give Chinese school a try and see how it goes. While most kids here start going to kindergarten and all sorts of enrichment programs by the age of 3/4, I only started her at 6. I wanted to hold her back a little longer, spend more time with her....

but time has gone by so quickly...and really, now it's almost time when I will see her only half a day, while the teachers and friends will fill the other half. I am a little anxious, I know silly me. *sigh*

Anyway, today, me and hubby attended the first session of the Marriage seminar. A truly wonderful course, people say. and yes, I enjoyed the first session. The hall was decorated with flowers, soft lights and fabrics. Every couple was seated at their own table decorated with more flowers and candlelight. oh, and there was also yummy desserts served.

well.. Today, they talked about the seasons of marriage.

I'm at what they call the "summer" season. I suppose it's true. Take perfume for instance, i used to love breeze, fruity scents. I still love them...but I'm also beginning to love the warmer, richer scents. These days are filled with activities around the children..and some with the hubby. He has reminded me not to neglect him. haha...

I cherish this summer season....for it will not last very long. I cherish the laughter of my children filling my household, I cherish the sweet voices calling me "mummy", I love the smell of their little heads as I hold them in my arms... i love the feeling of their soft hands in mine...i love everything about them.

As in every family there are "hotter" and difficult days when things go wrong and tempers flare... and there is sometimes tiredness and fatigue.....but overall...I enjoy this season....
and while it lasts, I pray the Lord will grant me wisdom, strength, love, patience and much joy..

I've been busy busy. Semester has started and I've been given a new course to teach. That means a lot of reading and research to do and notes to prepare. WOrking part time is not easy. Sometimes I think full time would've have been easier. WHen I was working full time I had the office to myself to do all my work without distractions.

Now I work part time, i barely get by reading a page before one of my kids come disturbing. So I find myself either resorting to the television as a baby sitter, or I find myself working very late into the nights after the kids are in bed. It's not good for my darkening eye bags and achy shoulders.

My schedule is different every day. Sometimes I've forgotten classes totally and parent and kid appear at my doorstep to find me in rags and hair looking like a crow's nest. haha....and sometimes I've scheduled 2-3 classes together without realising it. Then when all these students appear at my doorstep, I ask them why they're at my house. I must be going nuts.

Being a full time mum would be nice, but reality states that I should work to help with household income. CAn't place the entire burden on hubby alone. COst of living is getting incredibly high.

Yesterday after a full day's work (kids and work work), hubby called to ask if I'd join some friends for a bowling game. Though I was feeling so extremely tired....I decided to just go. I did ok on the scores and it was pretty fun.

We got back at almost 11:30pm. Considering I woke up about 5am, you'd know how tired I was. PUt my super duper wakey kids to bed... then went brushed my teeth and washed my own face.

Mechanically I put on my face moisturizer ...and after a while realised it was extra creamy, and smelled different. I looked at the bottle and knew why then. On the bottle it read, "Hair Nourishing cream. Will promote hair growth." Rewashed my face and put on the right moisturizer.

Well, I woke up this morning and checked my face, no, no extra facial growth. thank goodness.
ok... the day awaits, I must go. it's gonna be a heck of a long day. (there's extra classes for my speech students coz concert is this saturday.)
taaaaa..........................

my favourite jewelry

I am crazy about accessories, yeah, cheap kinda jewelry, preferably stones and shells. It’s nice having diff colored accessories to match with diff color clothes. However, I keep buying the same 2 colors (in diff shades), coz I’m crazy about these colors. You’d know what colors I’m talking about when you see the pics.

Well, it’s school holidays for the kids here, so I had some spare time to take pics of some of the pieces I own. They didn’t cost me much. I like my accessories unique and cheap. So I usually go bargain hunting at random small stores, and really, most of these pieces were bought for under 15RM, except for one or two which cost about 30RM, but not more than that.

I think…I should go look for more reds and purples coz I have lotsa clothes with those colors too. Oh well..gotta go.

p.s we spent the weekend up in the hills with close friends. That was really nice. Five families with a total of 11 kids. Was really enjoyable, especially for the kids! Nel also celebrated her 6th birthday up there. Happy Birthday my little Nel…you’re growing up…way too fast for me.

love turquoise colored stones...this one combined with brown stones is my favourite.

That piece with the flower is really old from early 1990's ..bought from Walmart Illinois. :) The one with the stone is quite new. Am looking for a pair of matching earrings now. well, actually I ordered a pair already, for a really cheap price, to be collected next week.

More turquoise colored jewelry. Some bought by my mum on her travels. The one which alternates between white and turquoise was bought in Sabah for just 8RM. Beautiful.

This combination of shells and beads was purchased in Sarawak for 10Rm. I love it's unique shade of green. So beautiful like a sunflower.

another turquoise piece bought by my friend from Thailand, and the green piece at the back is a choker, hand made by a native S'wakian.

More matching turquoise jewelry...the bracelet in front bought by my mum while on a trip to India.
Earrings in the background from Somerset, and that beautiful beaded bracelet in the middle bought while on an adventure trip. Was on a boat ride on a rough river near Mulu Caves. We visited the Penan long house, and the ladies made such beautiful jewelry. It's priceless. Bought it for only 4Rm.

this pendant was bought from an Indian preservation center in New Mexico. One of my favourites too.

A favourite bought in the 80's, one of the rare pink pieces i have. Made of shells....

the photo

Many years ago.... to be precise, Spring time almost 10 years ago, I received an email from a person called Ted while I was still in the US putting the final touches to my Masters thesis.

Ted in that email asked if I still remembered him? I thought about the numerous times I'd met him, yet never really talked. I remembered him as the person who came up to talk to my brother once after we'd performed for a friend's wedding.....the man I saw from a distance when a best friend visited his brother who happened to be Ted's housemate (Ted smiled at me ).... I remembered him as the man who I met at camp. On that last day at camp, during farewell lunch..somehow all seats were fully occupied except for one at my table. Ted came and sat there and we finally talked, but just for about 4 minutes. Then I had to leave. Later I flew back to the States.

Anyway, back to that spring time 10 years ago, the email came as a surprise coz I never expected an email from him. He wrote to tell of how he'd been trying to trace me and get my contact when he bumped into my friend and got my email. Well...after a few emails back and forth, he asked for a photo of me. I thought, why not? he seemed like a nice guy and sent him this one.


Our relationship didn't happen. I went on to meet someone else and he too met someone else. I stopped writing him emails after a while, coz I just couldn't trust someone whom I'd just talked to for 5 mins over lunch.

However, when I came back, I volunteered in an orphanage and coincidentally, Ted was a volunteer there too. Need i say more? I just couldn't avoid him...so we got married. :)
Recently, while cleaning, I came across this photo I sent him.

He told me "Do you know, when I received this photo...I thought you were a wild sort of girl? Probably not my kind.."

Do you know why he thought that? well, first of all, he's kinda old fashioned type, logical, straight forward, kind and honest. Well, anyway....he thought I was wild because the photo........

ok, I've decided not to tell why. Maybe you could guess? look at the photo and guess why would Ted think me wild? hahaha... seriously I don't have my eyebrow or nose pierced, no tatoo...

oh well, gotta go. Take care all.

My moronic dog who spoilt my day

so the hand-foot and mouth disease has finally gone. yahoooo...........................

but truth be told, I'm drained out, and a little down in the dumps. it's from the lack of sleep. Somehow, Jo's still been waking up at least 3-4 times a night even though the ulcers have subsided. Yesterday, I was just getting so cranky and feeling so down we decided to all go for a walk.

So the children and I and Camel (our dog) headed for a walk. Nel decided to hold Camel's leash. While walking, Nel saw a coconut tree and started counting the coconuts on the tree. At that moment, she forgot Camel. Camel saw his chance of escape, and dashed as fast as his legs could carry him. And mind you, Camel who jumps like a pogo stick is also a very very fast runner.

Nel ran after him, which spurred that wicked little dog to run even faster. I screamed "STOPPPPPPPPP" so loud the neighbours came out to look. Of course, nobody helped me catch Camel. So there went my peaceful walk. I walked fast, furiously, calling very loudly after Camel, and my idiotic dog, having caught the scent of another dog's pee, was fast on it's track. He didn't give a hoot to my call.

Then the rascal went further down the road and took a turn. AT that moment, I looked at my children trailing behind....and thought, "Camel or the kids? Camel or the kids?"

Darn, of course, it would have to be kids first. So I walked back to the kids, muttering curses under my breath. I lifted JO with one arm, and in my anger uttered certain words to Nel which I regret till now.

So with that 12 kgs in my arm and another one crying behind me, we continued our search for Camel. TUrned the corner and saw that scent maniac still sniffing the sidewalk and pillars. He sneaked looks at us from the corner of the eye, less we catch him and cut short his freedom.

I was almost to him when he ran again all the way to the next turn, nearing a busy road where cars were zooming by. I thought, he's either gonna die, or get lost, can't keep up with this chase. Finally, prayed a little....and then decided to squat. I sat there, called him....and to my relief, he decided he loved his master (me) more than whatever dog who's scent had attracted him. phew....

we walked home.... Nel ahead, wounded from my words. Bad mother i am......

Finally I decided I had to undo my words...had to let pride go. I sat down under the tree, and called Nel to my side. Reluctantly she came. We talked about the meaning of Responsibility, a new word for her. and blah blah blah.....and i kinda apologized. In the end, I gave her one more chance to handle CAmel's leash.

At that moment, the coy neighbour's cat, the one that loves to irritate Camel decided to come by. Of course, that dumb dog succumbed to the lure of the cat and barked like a moron, while trying to break loose from his leash. When will he ever learn not to give in, for his barking surely gives pleasure to that cat who was smiling wickedly. Well, Nel passed the test this time, for she held on to that leash with all her might and told Camel to keep quiet and sit down.

All in all.....it's so tough after sleepless nights and tiring days to keep cool. It's so easy to get angry and say things that hurt. It's so easy to hurt those you love most.... God forgive me when I become the mother I do not want to be. Well.....ok....time to go. I'm hoping for better sleep tonight.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

update... Nel had a long fish bone lodged at the very back of her throat, the dumb GP said "no bone, can't see a bone." Found myself on that traffic road to Aunt Pauline's clinic again in OUG. That terrific doctor....she got that bone out. She's just a FANTASTIC doctor.

Nel's paintint of a fish

Nel's painting of herself. See the spots on the mouth? she said those are the ulcers which were in her mouth when she had the HFM.

third child...yes or no?

Another week's gone by...time goes by too quickly. Starting mid year, my schedule will be doubly busy with more teaching assignments far from home . Though part of me dreads the thought of travelling and spending more time away from home, from my children, I will give thanks. One, because i know, while I'm working my children will be in good hands with my own mum. Second, because recently due to all sorts of unexpected events, my bank account has taken a sharp dip, and when I prayed about it, these job offers came. So I will give thanks. :)

Anyway .... other than that, while going through physio this week, the therapist mentioned the dreaded subject, the subject of the third child. Why is it, soooooooooooo many people are asking me to have a third child? My in laws bug me, my mum's friends bug me...almost everyone except my parents. phew, thank goodness they don't.

Do you know all my in laws have 3-4 children? do you know all my nieces and nephew in laws have also 3-4 children? On hubby's side, i'm the only one with 2.

This issue has been bugging my mind like crazy coz I'm not getting younger...and time is ticking.

Reasons why I should have no. 3 ...
1) everyone says I should try for a boy. (What is the probability of getting one????)
2) The older folks tell me when they hit 50's and 60's they look back and regretted not having more.
3) hubby wants one more
4) It might get quiet around when the children all go to school
5) perhaps out of 3, one might be willing to look after us when I am old? haha..

Reasons NOT to have no.3
1) Increased expenditure, less money to go round
2) Go through TERRIBLe pregnancy again with horrible morning sickness
3) All teaching jobs will be affected again
4) Go through the dreaded C-Section again. I hated it and the pain after!
5) Go through post partum depression again
6) Sleepless nights all over again
7) no freedom to do as I like still... meaning travel...and possibly studying again...

See...the reasons for NOT far outweighs the reasons to have. That's why I can't bring myself to it. But on the other hand....I'm beginning to coo at and admire other people's babies... I'm thinking, if I want one i have to have it now.... I just can't make up my mind.......... just can't. So I wish people would stop bugging me about this for a while.....

Anyway, after all that here's some humor found on http://www.engrish.com/ . Michi, I hope you won't mind these jokes? coz some taken from Japan. Just thought the translation of words here are funny. :) Have a good weekend everyone. :)

No thanks...err...but out of curiosity, is his urine sweet or sour?

this one makes me dizzy reading..

Perhaps this one parents should buy for daughter's boyfriends.

no thanks, i don't think slipping is good at all

ok, but how do I know if my refrigerator is anxious?

yeah...I won't.....can feed with other people's ?

Art

day 2 physio. They added 2 pound weights to my exercises. The pain persists... but doctor already said it would take a few months of physio. I'm also to start regular swimming. With frequent thunderstorms and busy schedule...I don't know how I'm gonna fit that in...but will try.
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As for my kids... the crazy rainy weather which has not stopped since Jan has prevented us from going out for our regular walks in the evenings. This drives the children (and me) crazy especially if they are cooped up at home the whole day. However, they have been busy with art. I suppose, since I'm a musician and very much into art myself, my children have a natural inclination towards art and music too.

Well today, Jo took out her sketch pad and these are the pictures she drew today at age 2 years and half.

She says, this is mummy. That messy part in the middle is my tummy. and if you look carefully, she has drawn hands on the side, and two sticks for my legs. If only my legs were thin as sticks! haha....

This is her drawing of daddy.
And this her drawing of Nel. Again, a large messy tummy area, and two very curly hands on the side. haha... 2 sticks for the legs which stem from the head. haha...

THis is Nel's work of art. She's very into building blocks...and so is Jo.

Nel's drawing of turtle on the sea. She is passionate about animals, especially that of the ocean. Right now, she's into saving the whales. haha...

Nel's very colorful CHristmas tree.

Nel's half drawn house with colorful roof.
Random doodle from Nel...again more Christmas trees. (You can tell when her favourite time of the year is.)

Day 1 Physiotherapy

Finally ... I started my physiotherapy today. The session lasted for an hour and a half. Some of it was painful, some of it was relaxing. The ice packs were nice. My shoulders have gotten so bad lately it's hard to wash my own hair or do things for the children without some pain. So I figured, time to get it fixed.

Jo sat down quietly and observed what they were doing. She's really good for a 2 1/2 year old. :) but at one point, when she saw them putting stuff on me, she panicked, and the poor little one started crying badly. So I told her to stand by my bed and hold my hand. She did that in between sobs. I'd to assure her that I was ok, and the physio was helping me and not hurting me. Let's hope the shoulders and back will get better with each session. I'm praying hard.

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Tonight as I put the children to bed Jo said "Mummy, I'm so happy to be with you."

As for Nel she said "Mum.....I wish I was a baby again...."

I asked her why she wished that... and she replied "When I was a baby, you hugged me while I closed my eyes and you used to tap my back till I fell asleep."

I recalled back to the days before Jo was born. Nel being the very affectionate person she is, would snuggle close to me, her hand always touching my shoulders to make sure I was right there beside her when she slept. but when Jo was born, we had to move Nel to a different room, coz Jo was a super wakey baby, waking up 5-6 times a night.

Anyway, so today, I snuggled close beside her, and she held my hand with one, and with the other, held my shoulders like she did when she was a baby. Then she said "sing me my favourite song mum, "May The Lord Bless you.."

So I sang..and she fell asleep, soundly like a baby. :)

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As for my weekly cooking/baking sessions with Junee...last friday, me and Junee attempted to make Onde Onde...and here are the pictures. Yup, they turned out delicous and are very easy to make . :)

The Paste - Glutinous flour, tapioca flour, juice from screwpine leaves

Fill each one with palm sugar and roll into balls making sure sugar is properly sealed inside.

boil, drain and roll in coconut

Bite into it and fill it "burst" in your mouth as the palm sugar melts in your mouth. yumm...

1st day De-Tox

There's a crazy fad going around now, and it's De-tox! yeah, it's something my friends, (which means 30 somethin's and older) are talking about and doing. I never thought I'd get to this stage, but (sigh) i finally have.

Anyways, i went to Cheryl's new pharmacy, called CHERYL PHARMACY yesterday... a Truly unique experience. It's like stepping into a cozy home with all sorts of interesting products which make you feel like you've gotta buy buy buy. Nothing like the boring medicine smelling pharmacy you find outside. You've gotta go there to know what I mean. ANyway, yes, so I bought bought bought...... am especially happy with the organic shampoo which has a lovely aroma and brings this cool, clean tingly feeling to my scalp. Also happy with the yogurt maker. :)

And yes, I was persuaded to buy Juvanex, a detox program. I think I need it for lotsa reasons....
So I started that today. Anyways, it says in the booklet, "to maximise the effect, try to follow eating suggestions inset." So I looked at the suggestions and it said "Day 1 and Day 2 - fruits every 2 hours." "Day 3 and 4 add vegetables to fruits."
I thought...that sounds easy, and went and bought a WHOLE lot of fruits.

So today, I started. Juvanex in the morning followed by fruits. ........ but err....... my stomach wanted more........ more......so I thought a bit of wheat bread won't hurt, and I had that. Then came lunch....... and I had more fruits...dragon fruit, pears and grapes. I drooled as i watched my children swallow their rice, vege, chicken and potatoes....... *drool Drool* and began to wonder if I'd survive this, just one day.

I've to disappoint you by admitting that when Jo couldn't finish her drumstick, I reasoned that food should not be wasted, so I helped her finish it. hahaha..... but ok, it was just 2-4 bites.

Then I decided to take my mind off food, go swim. So swim we went. and after the swim, I was totally LONGING for food, esp a bit of meat...not pork or beef, just some good fish. I love fish. I stole some cereal from my kids and went home and had more fruits.

so I decided to read the booklet again, and to my relief saw, "a small portion of brown rice with vege soup" is allowed. ahhhh.... that was a tremendous relief!! That concludes my first day of detox. I feel ok, not tired or grouchy as they said some might feel. However, I do feel a little hotter than usual, so I've got my air conditioning running at full force.

Let's hope I survive the second day without breaking too many rules. I suppose I want to follow it as closely as possible to get max results and also hopefully to loose some weight. I still need to get rid of that post pregnancy fat, which seems to have become "permanent deposit" around my waist line.

Anyway, one thing i learnt today, i probably can never be vegetarian. haha...