refusal to go to school

i thought Jodie would fit right in school and have a fun-filled days. She seemed to make friends easily and is a keen learner. Alas...my thoughts were wrong. It's been 3 weeks now, and everyday has been a struggle.

out of 100 5 year olds in that school, my daughter is the only one who wails and clings tightly to me, refusing to let me go, and making me promise to get her early. Why is she the only one? It can't be the system if the other 99 fit in perfectly. I'm beginning to think it's seperation anxiety.... I checked a few links and most said children should settle within 2 weeks.

This week her crying has somewhat worsen. The thing is, when I pick her from school, she's perfectly happy. We go for lunch and then back home. Around 3pm, she starts worrying and asking if she has to go to school the next day, saying "mum...you must promise to pick me up early.." by nightfall, her panic increases... and she will say in between sobs "mum...I will miss you, mum, promise me to pick me early.... mum, the teacher is fierce...but mum, i will miss you, i will miss you, i will miss you......"

yesterday when evening came, she asked "mum, is it night already? why does it turn dark so early mum? mum, when I get up I will miss you...." I told her she had no school on sat. Yet she went to the door, praying aloud... "God, please please, make the day longer so the night won't come so soon. God, please because if night comes too early, I'll have to sleep and in the morning I will miss my mummy...please God..please..." followed by more crying.

what do I do from a psychological point of view? some of the pages say that I must allow my child to face her fears and her fear will reduce eventually. Yet some say it must be treated with care, or it would have a life time impact on her. how do I treat it? if i let her stay home...will I be helping her? or making it worse coz she will never deal with it? ........... does she have seperation anxiety disorder or is this normal?

my little messenger

we mothers/fathers sometimes use our children as messengers, and i did just that yesterday. hubby works late and I wondered if he'd be willing to go for a run at the field.

So I told Jo to call her dad and told her to say "dad, please come back by 7 so you can go run wit mummy. It is not safe for women to run alone. If you don't come, mummy will be running alone among the strange men."

I then dialled the phone and asked Jo to talk. Here's what she said to her daddy "Dad....dad, you must come home by 7 to run with mummy. There are many robbers you know, bad robbers. Dad, you Better come home, or mummy will RUN AWAY with the men!!"

I thought that was so hilarious. hahaha..

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Nel....she's been so busy with school work and homework she hardly gets to do anything else. She's lost weight too. Here's what she misses now she's at school..
she misses....evening walks,
.......cycling to the park,
....... visits to the library
... playing in the stream
......splashing in puddles after the rain
.... walking the dog..... She is missing out on so much, coz the school keeps giving MORE AND MORE AND MORE homework!!!

These 2 weeks it's exam time. You'd think teachers would give homework a break so the child can do revision, but NO. Last night she had so much homework she only slept at midnight! I get so frustrated. *sigh*

nel cries..

today I dropped Nel at school as usual. I watched her walk reluctantly to her row in the assembly hall. She looked lost and alone. I waited for a while coz she kept looking out for me. Finally the school bell rang indicating time to walk to their respective classes.

I left the school premises.
.
.
.
.
Picked her up in the evening.... and this was her story....

"Mum.....why did you leave so early? I wanted to run to you to give you one last hug before you left but I couldn't find you. Mum...... as I walked to class, I wanted to cry, but I told myself not to cry.
I tried and tried not to cry,...... but when I got to class, I couldn't control anymore and I cried. I was embarassed, so I hid under the table. Nobody noticed me coz I sit right at the back.

Then all the children left for the computer lab, but I continued crying under my table. My class teacher heard me crying after the children left. She also saw me, coz I made sure that my head was out a little so somebody would see me.
She was kind mum, she talked to me and walked me to my computer class. She told me because I am new, she'd sit with me, and she sat with me till I felt better. Mum, she's a kind teacher.
I want to give her a card and a present mum."

That was Nel's story today... Wow, my daughter hiding under a table and crying? Anyway, I'll make sure Nel gets to write the card she wants to write. Such a kind teacher...we need more like her around instead of the shouting/caning type. I appreciate that teacher, will write her a note myself.

today, i drove an hour to work. 5 mins before lecture, I was so darned thirsty, and realised I'd left my water bottle at home. NO canteen nearby. However, there was a water dispenser in the office, but NO paper cups. Desperate for some water, while the secretaries were away, I grabbed the fax paper, made a cone and "collected" some water in it and drank whatever was left after half of it leaked through the sides onto the carpet.

After work, drove an hour home, picked Jo from my mum's. Drove another 50 mins to pick Nel from school and got home darned tired. Helped Nel with homework, wiped up the stinking pee left by my dog, cleaned dishes did laundry. So darn tired, and now I can't sleep. *sigh* [it's 12:28am]

Oh yeah, Nel has received her first warning at school. She finished this Chinese Science homework and passed it up a few days ago. Now teacher is asking her where is that book! Her teacher said "where is the book? bring it tomorrow or you'll get the cane!"

Darn teacher. Give my child a break, this is just the first week at school! I can't find that book at home, perhaps she's passed it on to the wrong teacher? my dear sis-in-law will be speaking to the teacher on behalf of me tomorrow. hope Nel will be spared the cane or they (the teachers) shall see my wrath befall them !! (that is, if I can speak in broken Chinese, or they can understand my English.) *more sighs*

Nel's first day at school

Nel officially started standard 1 last Monday. So far smooth sailing…so I thought. Well, she’s in Chinese school and doesn’t understand most words. She can barely speak or understand that language.

So the first few days she just went by dreaming n ignoring most instructions coz she didn’t understand anything. She didn’t even raise her hands when her name was called. They probably pronounced her English name all wrong, and she probably didn’t recognize her own Chinese name.

2nd day she desperately needed to go to the toilet and didn’t even dare to ask for fear she’d mention the wrong Chinese word. Thank God my sis-in-law was peeping in and noticed Nel’s desperate face.

She comes home and says “no homework” coz the homework notices are written in Chinese.

Most of all, I told myself, they’re gonna turn our daughter into a communist. Hahaha…. They’re told- How to stand, heads up, finger always on mouth when walking to toilet, no talking, bangs above eyebrows etc etc….and they’ve been warned that if homework is not done, they’ll be given the cane. (one or 2 strokes on the palm!) *shudder*

She carries a tonne of books to school everyday…really, it’s heavy for me too! So I’ve bought her a trolley bag or whatever you call it. Comes with wheels.

Ok, perhaps I’m being pessimistic…. Coz, c’mon, thousands and thousands of kids have been through this system, but survived. Well, bottom line, I’m watching her closely.

Imagine, just 4 days of school, over roti canai yesterday… she said in desperation “Mum, school is so BORING! All you do is SIT SIT SIT SIT! And write and listen. The boy sitting next to me is so naughty. He keeps saying the bad word mum. And the 2 boys in front of me like to tease me. Mum, I prefer my kindy, I don’t like this school.”

I told her “Nel, hang on…just a year….And everytime they start the teasing, you ignore them and do your work quietly. Think about how when you come home each day, mum and Jo will be waiting for you and we can play.”

Nel replied “one year mum??? but it’s too long………… too long. I don’t even get to play anymore, I come home so late…I’ve not been to the playground at all this week! ”

She sounded like she’s been given a prison sentence. And there were tears welling in her eyes as she spoke.

Before going to school I said “Nel…let’s pray.”

I prayed “God…help Nel settle in school and to enjoy her learning. Most of all, I pray that either the boys become nice to her, or you change her seat and put her next to a nice girl.”

Before going to school we sat on the swing for a while, us and our idiotic dog.

Time passed and in the evening she came home and said “guess what mum??? remember you prayed for me today?? Mum, teacher changed my seat! God didn’t make the boys nicer, so He changed where I sit and now I’m sitting next to a nice girl! God answered our prayer mum!”
I was happy for her. Well…we’ll see how it goes in the months to come. I’m still kinda pro home-schooling…I really wanna do that…but we’ll wait a few months

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As for my SVT, I went to see a specialist. He said that the episodes I had were too frequent....and suggested that I may want to undergo a catheter ablation where the catheters are inserted into the veins in the groin and into the heart. They do some tests and zap some nerves. That's as far as I understand. I've opted for medication for now, and see how it goes.