..Sometimes, after the fit of anger has passed,
the wrongs made right,
the mess and chaos tidied up and made orderly again,...

I watch my children fast asleep and deeply regret the things I've said.

I kiss them and whisper "I love you's"
but they can't hear me or feel me..they're fast asleep.
Tomorrow I'll make things right.... I really hope to.

It's amazing, how my little one, after the barage of unkind words spoken by me last night, ran crying to her sister's room, was comforted, and in less than 5 minutes back in my room saying "I love you mummy,...I want mummy, i love you mummy." She said a cute prayer, then fell asleep in my arms. Children forgive so easily...trust so fully...love unconditionally.

Yup...tomorrow I must try to be a better mum...continuously try.

tough days

There are days when the area in my throat is tight from nagging, my lips are thinly pursed, and my muscles tensed. Sometimes it can be overwhelming having to juggle children, household chores and work.

There are days when the children seem out of hand, refusing to obey rules, whining and complaining…and I’m trying to drive them so that work can get done, and the house can be neat all before my students arrive in the noon for music classes, particularly before the fussy parent arrives.

Today is such a day. I’ve cleaned the house so many times, yet there are still some toys strewn here and there, and crumbs beneath the study table. Jodie’s changed clothes 4 times today and it’s not even evening yet. I’ve given her several warnings. Danelle’s been day dreaming instead of focusing on work. Piles of laundry await folding and washing. In the kitchen there is a mini flood coz Jodie’s been making drinks again and left a puddle of water in the middle. and right now they're fighting over which movie to watch.

I know, I will not have time to cook dinner again, coz the day is gonna be packed with students and replacements. So I’ll probably throw in some spaghetti with sauce, grab a very quick bite during the very short evening break.Whatever bits of time I have, are minutes snatched in between to pour out my thoughts on the blog, check a little facebook... and sometimes to complete a painting..bits and pieces here and there.

Yeah…some days just seem so unbearable.

Truly without God I might get depressed somedays. But He gives me strength, joy and inspiration when I need it, especially when teaching my own children and other children. For what’s the point of teaching unless I truly love what I’m doing. [and yes, I do love teaching]

Ah yes, He [God] gives me the strength which I need, to juggle all. I guess, He’s given that strength and endurance to most mothers. If we don’t have it, then we need to look to Him and ask, and then it all becomes more bearable.

To my cousin with twins...God is your strength, remember that. love you.

My grandma passed away last year, but thoughts of her remain fresh in my memory. Grandma was a woman of prayer, a woman of faith. I spent many afternoons with her when I was young as she would babysit us whenever my parents were busy at work.

My favourite memory is of my AhMa in her rocking chair, chuckling at our mischievous antics, and sometimes threatening us with the cane if we got out of hand. :) Often, while fanning herself with the old fashioned paper fan, she'd take out an old chinese calender (the ones where you tear the pages out as the day passes). She'd say in Hokkien "teach me the ABC's" and I would teach her, as she practiced, and struggled especially in pronouncing her R's and L's. She loved to learn, and it's amazing how she's read the whole Bible despite not having proper education during her childhood.

In between all these hours spent with her, she'd spend time reminding us to pray. Prayer before meals was always a lengthy afair. When younger, I could never understand her complicated Hokkien, and never really did....I'd just wait wait and wait till I heard her say Amen, then gladly eat my food.

When I was older I realised that her prayers were lengthy simply coz she'd pray for all her children, naming them one by one (10 children!) and then pray for her grandchildren (22 altogether).

I'll never forget the time before I left for the US to further my studies. I sat with her and listened as she spoke. She said "whatever you do, you must put God first. Always remember to pray (ki-to). Don't ever find a guy who's not a Christian. WHen you find a guy, make sure he's someone who loves the Lord...and remember to come home when you're done. Remember...always kito, kito."

I know that when I was away she prayed for me at least twice a day. I know coz she told me so. Perhaps that is the reason why, when at least 80% of my friends dropped away from church, I kept going. It has to be my grandma and my parents' prayers.

One winter vacation when I visited her, she received me with hugs and kisses and said "come, come eat with me. I've only cooked a simple lunch, come eat with me." before we ate she told me "I pray for all my children and all of you at least 2 times a day. Let's pray first." I sat there, partially understanding her prayer...as she mentioned again the names of her 10 children and 20 over grandchildren one by one.

WHen I came back for good...she prayed that I'd find a good husband (and also tried to matchmake with her friend's grandchildren from church!). She prayed for me...all the time. When she left it was very hard to let her go.... but these words of her remain embedded in my heart till now.... "ki-to, ki-to", pray pray. Whenever I face troubles, worries...I'm reminded "ki-to."

I'm not a perfect mum.... but I hope that I will be able to pass this on to my children...that in all circumstances to remain steadfast in the Lord, to trust in Him...and ki-to, to pray, to pray.

Part of bringing up my children is allowing them to enjoy nature. And thus, we headed for yet another adventure, this time to Endau Rompin, and I can’t stop thinking about the wonderful time we had there. I miss that place. The whole vacation was just absolutely beautiful….beautiful weather, the sound of the gurgling river right beside our camping ground, the singing of the gibbon early in the morning, the funny “three tone” toad as I call it coz of it’s song…the singing of the insects…the cool weather. Magical is how I’d describe the place. Most of all, what made it so beautiful were the people who came along with us.

our campground

We were four families, living together on the same ground, sharing food and water. 10 adults and 11 VERY ENERGETIC LOVELY children. :) The first day was spent just lazing in the refreshing stream followed by a sumptuous meal of BBQ-ed stuff. What followed was shadow theatre, chit chatting and great fun and fellowship.
children doing shadow show :)

Our second day was in every way unforgettable. Based on the advice of the office at Bekok, we decided to track to Takah Berangin since it was only a 2 1/2 km walk, while Takah Tinggi was a 4 km walk. What WRONG advice it was! Later we found out that although Takah Berangin was only 21/2 hours walk, it would take the same duration as the other..total estimated time for both are 2 hours. Reason is that the path to Takah Berangin contained some very steep terrain and is the toughest track from our campground. Can you imagine us, especially 3 and 4 year old Lu and Jo doing that track? Thank GOD, we all MADE IT safely!

We got to the waterfall after a very very tiring and strenuous 3 hours, esp for the children (but which was also exciting with views of a millipede nest, elephant dung, exotic plants and insects!).

one of the many interesting sights along the way. A nest of millipedes

And yes, the waterfall was every bit worth it!!!! Beautiful and windy as it’s name-Takah Berangin! When you get to the centre of the pool you feel a very strong wind blowing, and also natural fish spa! yeap, could not get the fish to stop nibbling my feet! haha..

our guide in the middle of the falls. no photo of me in the falls

The journey back was equally tiring, and half way Jo fell asleep and poor daddy had to carry her.

Lu too fell asleep and Josh had to carry him. Finally ¾ way back, Josh unable to take the stress of carrying Lu any longer, put Lu down, and SLIPPED!!! His shouts and groans that followed were really frightening…. My first thought was that he’d broken his legs, but found out he had sprained BOTH legs! We prayed…fervently, but the guide told us to move on, as we had to get the children back before nightfall or it would get dangerous on the steep descent. We got out safely…and later when Josh finally came out with two walking sticks (GREAT THANKS to DING!) we all cheered and thanked God.

Night was delicious dinner …and the super children still very energetic despite the total tracking time of 6 hours, visited each other’s tents, had more fun doing shadow shows, playing with the torch, building sand castles at night and telling stories. There was so much laughter, so much freedom and joy…all under the beautiful Chap Goh Mei moonlit sky.

refusing to sleep they played late into the night under the clear moonlit sky... So lovely to hear the giggling and laughter of children playing their hearts out..


We didn’t want to leave on the third day and after a hearty breakfast right by the stream…

children feeding the fish before jumping in for a swim later.

we jumped into the stream and stayed every minute of the morning playing in the stream…..till the packing team shouted “TIME TO LEAVE!”.

Then with a heavy sigh and heart, we reluctantly got into dry clothes and headed home. I’ll definitely be there again…… When I asked the children “do you want to come back here again?” they shouted with a unifying “YES!!!!” Ian suggested we should stay for a month! Now I’m not sure if that’s possible! Hahaha….

We parents were definitely proud of our FABULOUS kids who made it through that tough climb to the falls. The guide told us, they were the first group of children he'd ever taken to the falls. Hats off to them! :)

reading before bedtime

Nel loves to ask her daddy to read, especially before bedtime. Yesterday I had a glimpse of what’s it like coz Nel was in my room. She grabbed a book off the shelf and told her daddy to read it. The book happened to be Gulliver’s Travels, the original classic version, in very very small font.

So both father and daughter rested on the bed as daddy read. I left them and went to shower Jo, prepared her for bedtime. When I got back to the room, I found Nel, half asleep. Her father (my husband :)) was reading, not chapter one, BUT the preface to Gulliver’s Travels, in the most monotonous voice I’ve ever heard. Low.....sleepy...... monotonous voice! He too looked half asleep like he’d just read the history book!!

I said loudly, Nel, “why in the world did you ask your dad to read Gulliver’s travels of all thing?” then turning to my husband I asked “and Hon! Why in the world are you reading the preface???”

Nel woke from her half slumber and said “mum, don’t disturb, I want dad to read so I can sleep!”

I was amused, I’d thought it’s coz she loved stories, but no, it’s coz the voice of her father has the powers to put my little one to sleep! Hmmmm….

I looked at my husband who had not replied to my question, but who’d continued reading in his monotonous voice, showing great disinterest in the preface to Gulliver’s Travels. He read like he was reading a legal document or something, and as his voice became lower, his eyelids almost closing, he struggled to read the very last paragraph in the Preface. And he read it like this:

“Gul-li-vers travels..was, (eyes half closing), like the most of (nodding off here)..like most of Sw…Sw..Swift’s work….(temporary silence) ano..anomy…anonous…anomy..amonynoy.....anonymously and is the….(eyes closed….)….is the…..(reading in his sleep now.)”

That’s when I interrupted again, “Nel, get to your room now, you’re almost asleep." Then turning to my husband I said quite loudly, "Hon, if you’d like to put Nel to sleep, read it to her in her room, and you can both fall asleep there.”

Hahahaha…..

The next day I asked Nel if she enjoyed Gulliver's Travels. She replied "who's Gulliver? did dad read me a story?" Oh, and when popping into Nel's room the next morning, I also noticed that Gulliver's Travels was opened to Chapter one, page one. I suppose that's when the father (my husband) fell into a deep sleep.

I lost it….I lost my temper last night, and poor Jo and Nel were the ones who had to face the brunt of my anger.

I’d just been tired, coz I’ve been down with a cold and headaches. So last night, after dinner, I escaped to my room, picked up a book to read. That’s how I unstress myself, by reading or blogging.

Jo came in, picked up a book about animals and nests and said “mum, read to me, read to me!”

I said “no, I’m not going to read that book to you. We just read it in the evening, and Nel read it to you twice today already.”

She kept bugging and bugging me. Jo’s like that, persistent in what she wants, knows what she wants.

Finally I replied angrily “if you won’t stop bugging me, I’ll leave this room, so stop it now!”

She kept at it, bugging me to read the book.

Finally I stood up and said “That’s it! I’ve had enough!”

I stomped out of the room and headed towards the guest room. Little Jo followed behind, screaming and crying “wait mum, wait for me, please mum….”

I shut the door, locked it and heard Jo screaming outside.

Her dad came up and asked “what’s going on??”

Finally, feeling a little regret, I unlocked the door and came out. Took Jo to the room with me. Jo started venting her feelings, my little 3 year old.

“Mum, I only wanted you to read the book. You walked away! Mum, you don’t like me, you don’t like me.” She said sadly while sobbing.

Jo continued “You read your book, but you didn’t want to read mine. Daddy is a good daddy, he read my book.”

I asked “does that make me a bad mummy?”

She replied “Yes, you are a bad mummy, coz you walked away, and you don’t like me.”

Realising that she genuinely felt hurt, I replied “Jo, I do love you, just that sometimes I Need time to do my own things, read my own books.”

“but you walked away. That means you don’t like me.” Said Jo with a sad face..

I looked at her and said “Jo, …….”

“Jo, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings…I didn’t mean to, I’m just really tired today. Forgive me Jo?”

She nodded quietly.
I suppose with my little girl, walking away is not a good solution. I will have to find a different way to cope when I’m tired the next time.

Nel's graduation

In the past, I could never understand parents who made such a big deal about their children's graduation, particularly children graduating from kindergarten! I thought the parents were "kiasu", crazy and made it too big a deal. i mean, come on! it's just kindergarten for pete's sake!
i used to tell them relax, there's like 12 years of school and at least 4 years of college to go!

Well...I used to think that way, till my own Nel had a graduation ceremony of her own in kindy, just this last weekend. haha.....

So there I was, an over excited mother, armed with her camera, dressed in Sunday best. We made sure to get there early, but ALAS! there were much much more over zealous parents who had booked most of the front row seats! darn I thought.

Anyway..... so Nel and gang went up on stage to present a poem they had practiced for weeks! and she and her classmates also performed a dance item. I was definitely a proud mum. hahahaha....

And then, of course, came the "graduation" ceremony. hehehe...... and oh boy, I'm embarassed to admit that I became just like one of the other parents whom I'd criticized before. I stood up and cheered for my daughter as she received her scroll and teddy bear. I was also a very proud mum when she received the Best in Reading award. I took lots of pictures, and I'm even blogging about it! ( I know...I sound like a bragging mum now!)

I know, some of you are gonna tell me "big deal!" just like how I used to think of other parents.

Thing is this....now I realise those parents were just cheering their children on. WHen I went to Nel's graduation ceremony, I just wanted to be there to let her know that I love her. I wanted to clap and cheer to let her know that everything that mattered to her, matters to me. I wanted to cheer for every little step she takes.

I suppose most parents do that. we boast about our kid's first smile, the first time they roll over, and crawl and take their first steps. Kindergarten is also another step, and so I continue to cheer her on. So bother if people are gonna think I'm "kiasu" or whatever.....hehehe.... We even took her to Burger King to celebrate! hahaha...

*for G, literally translated "kiasu" means, afraid of loosing. Like most mums are "kiasu" and they make sure they send their kids for tonnes of classes so that their children do better than other kids."

continued from last post..

today Nel came back and said excitedly "mum, I did well in my Chinese spelling test. Some of my friends didn't even know the words. And mum, do you know why I did well? because this morning, daddy woke up early and taught me those words. My daddy can teach Chinese so well! " She said it, like a daughter so proud of her dad's ability. that little effort of my hubby to spend that bit of time with Nel meant the world to her.

How the miracle took place? I don't know. Well, perhaps it's because of the prayer I said last night. BEfore going to bed, I prayed

"Lord, teach me to be a more patient mother...give me wisdom to guide my children when I don't know how to, teach me to have unconditional love and to love them for who they are, and not what they do."

I prayed that earnestly last night...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway, yeah, I popped by the library today and chanced upon this book by Tony Humphreys "Self-Esteem: The Key to Your Child's Education." I've now just managed to go through one chapter, but it really is a good book. Here, in just the first chapter I found some really good stuff...let me quote them here..

Success and failure in themselves have no effect on a child's motivation to learn, but the reactions of parents, teachers and other significant adults to success and failure can have a devastating effect.

Parents need to encourage children in their efforts to master an activity. What counts is the effort and NOT the performance.

Parents who put too much pressure on children for academic performance unwittingly damage the child's self esteem.

Parents who are overly protective/hands off, can undermine children's belief in themselves.

The Self-esteem of the child is affected by the parents' relationship with each other. The child who regularly witnesses openly hostile or silent hostility between parents can become chronically insecure.

That's about the gist of the first chapter. Now it's off to snooze land, will continue reading tomorrow. Semester begins, and thus my lecture begins next week. I will be busy busy busy again. but no complains, i thank God for this job, coz it brings in the additional income which I really need.

Last Thurs, me & Nel, my sis-i-law and Lyd went out together. Just us two mums and our two 6 year old daughters. it was like a "date" with our eldest child (bonding time.)

We caught the LRT towards town center to catch the broadway version of "Beauty and the Beast." Well, we got there half an hour before time, and decided to indulge in some New Zealand icecream first. yummy............. :)

at ten to 8, we headed for the show to check out the souvenirs and program booklet. Incredibly pricy, everything to me, was pricy....unless you're earning a lot and have nothing to do with the money, the 40Rm keychain is a really crazy price to pay.

ok, so we skipped that and went looking for our seats. Nel just enjoyed the show so much. At one point where the Beast was dying, she actually cried. She just seems a lot more emotional nowadays. When I asked if she was ok, she got embarassed, pulled on an angry face and turned away. hahaha...

Anyway the show ended at 10:30 and we had to walk quite a distance towards the LRT station... coz the shopping mall was closed, and it was drizzling...so we had to go by a longer route. WHen we got to the station, my sis saw a train and shouted "Run!! run!! catch it before it goes."

So we ran like mad people, squeezed in to that packed train and after 20 mins realised we were going in the wrong direction! arrghhh. ...... and by that time, it was already 11++pm. We got off, waited to catch another train...and finally got on the right one, which probably was the last train of the night?

Our two little girls were tired, and nodding off....and really, though there were not many people on the last train, there were quite a few unusual people. We saw a girl which Ju says was an "emo", drunkards, cross dressers...and some pretty scary lookin ones

Finally we arrived at the last stop at almost midnight. The station was closed except for a little side door. We had to go through the building to get to our car, and there wasn't a soul in sight in that large building. was really kinda spooky to me, well, not spooky......but I was worried about thugs and drug addicts...

Anyway, we got home safe at almost 12:30am. Late huh? bottom line, if it's a night show, next time we'll drive. Still all in all, our kids and us, enjoyed it so much. It was also good mum and daughter bonding time, minus the presence of the younger one. Well worth it. If you've got 2 or more kids, I recommend this, taking time out to be alone with each child. My parents were wonderful in that they helped by baby sitting the younger one.

My moronic dog who spoilt my day

so the hand-foot and mouth disease has finally gone. yahoooo...........................

but truth be told, I'm drained out, and a little down in the dumps. it's from the lack of sleep. Somehow, Jo's still been waking up at least 3-4 times a night even though the ulcers have subsided. Yesterday, I was just getting so cranky and feeling so down we decided to all go for a walk.

So the children and I and Camel (our dog) headed for a walk. Nel decided to hold Camel's leash. While walking, Nel saw a coconut tree and started counting the coconuts on the tree. At that moment, she forgot Camel. Camel saw his chance of escape, and dashed as fast as his legs could carry him. And mind you, Camel who jumps like a pogo stick is also a very very fast runner.

Nel ran after him, which spurred that wicked little dog to run even faster. I screamed "STOPPPPPPPPP" so loud the neighbours came out to look. Of course, nobody helped me catch Camel. So there went my peaceful walk. I walked fast, furiously, calling very loudly after Camel, and my idiotic dog, having caught the scent of another dog's pee, was fast on it's track. He didn't give a hoot to my call.

Then the rascal went further down the road and took a turn. AT that moment, I looked at my children trailing behind....and thought, "Camel or the kids? Camel or the kids?"

Darn, of course, it would have to be kids first. So I walked back to the kids, muttering curses under my breath. I lifted JO with one arm, and in my anger uttered certain words to Nel which I regret till now.

So with that 12 kgs in my arm and another one crying behind me, we continued our search for Camel. TUrned the corner and saw that scent maniac still sniffing the sidewalk and pillars. He sneaked looks at us from the corner of the eye, less we catch him and cut short his freedom.

I was almost to him when he ran again all the way to the next turn, nearing a busy road where cars were zooming by. I thought, he's either gonna die, or get lost, can't keep up with this chase. Finally, prayed a little....and then decided to squat. I sat there, called him....and to my relief, he decided he loved his master (me) more than whatever dog who's scent had attracted him. phew....

we walked home.... Nel ahead, wounded from my words. Bad mother i am......

Finally I decided I had to undo my words...had to let pride go. I sat down under the tree, and called Nel to my side. Reluctantly she came. We talked about the meaning of Responsibility, a new word for her. and blah blah blah.....and i kinda apologized. In the end, I gave her one more chance to handle CAmel's leash.

At that moment, the coy neighbour's cat, the one that loves to irritate Camel decided to come by. Of course, that dumb dog succumbed to the lure of the cat and barked like a moron, while trying to break loose from his leash. When will he ever learn not to give in, for his barking surely gives pleasure to that cat who was smiling wickedly. Well, Nel passed the test this time, for she held on to that leash with all her might and told Camel to keep quiet and sit down.

All in all.....it's so tough after sleepless nights and tiring days to keep cool. It's so easy to get angry and say things that hurt. It's so easy to hurt those you love most.... God forgive me when I become the mother I do not want to be. Well.....ok....time to go. I'm hoping for better sleep tonight.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

update... Nel had a long fish bone lodged at the very back of her throat, the dumb GP said "no bone, can't see a bone." Found myself on that traffic road to Aunt Pauline's clinic again in OUG. That terrific doctor....she got that bone out. She's just a FANTASTIC doctor.

Nel's paintint of a fish

Nel's painting of herself. See the spots on the mouth? she said those are the ulcers which were in her mouth when she had the HFM.

Day 2 HFMD

as predicted it pretty much a sleepless night. Jo woke constantly, whining each time. As it is, I'm a light sleeper ... and with last night's whining, I was a non sleeper. Awoke with slight headaches, but did not nap at all today. That just doesn't happen. Hubby on the other hand had a wonderful 2 hour nap during the day! (public holiday today..Labour day.)

Jo was cranky most of today....while Nel was feverish in the morning complaining of throat pain. I asked them both to open their mouths, and .....errrghhhhh.....tonnes of red and white spots on the upper palate, and even more in the throat area behind the tongue. In fact, the whole throat looked so swollen. No wonder the crying and whining.

Thank God, the doc had given me Cataflam Oral Drops in case the children experienced severe pain. So I gave Jo the cataflam, and wonders and wonders, she became her usual self for about 3 hours before the cranky side of her reappeared. Nel was quite ok after some fever/pain med, perhaps because she's older. Eating is hard for both of them, and they have just been surviving on milk, cold liquids and ice cream.

Jo is already skinny, and I suppose, this will take more pounds off her.

Anyway....yeah, about to put these babies to bed, and as of now, spots are beginning to appear near their lips, palms and feet. arrghhhh......

Nel is crying a little...she's asking "mum, will the blisters get more painful? it's pain mum...." I'm praying they won't get more painful.

gotta go.....

HFMD

today's just been absolutely draining.....
it started last night when Nel developed fever.... today morn, rushed her to the pediatrician, my aunt Pauline's clinic, which is a 40 mins drive through crazy traffic. I go to her, coz I don't trust any of the doctors around my place.

Well...turns out, Nel has HFMD . That poor girl had fever the whole of last night and the whole of today...with sores beginning to form on her upper palate...which will turn to painful ulcers, said the doctor. Needless to say, she's not eaten much.

Anyway, after the visit to the doctor, I dropped the kids at my dad's and drove to a meeting at the uni where I will be lecturing part time. I suppose, because my mind was so troubled by my children's health, I actually took sooooooo many wrong turns! a 40 minute drive became ONE and HALF hours! I ended up in the busy KL City .... and arrived at the meeting 40 mins late.

Later I drove by dad's to pick my children up only to find Jo crying and whining...complaining of pains everywhere, mainly on her joints and mouth. SHe was running a fever...and she was crying non stop, refusing any form of liquid or food.

Once again, I found myself on the very busy road, heading towards Aunt Pauline's clinic. By the time we reached the clinic and saw the doc, I was so tired, I thought I was just gonna cry. I know, boo hoo, cry baby. haha.... well i Was just darn tired.

So Jo is down with HFMD too..... her entire throat is swollen.... poor baby.

Really....times like this, mothering is tough....

We have to console the crying baby..

try to soothe away the pains...

carry the baby who's sick and clingy no matter how our back aches..

gently persuade them to take that little bite or drink ...

and most of all, remain strong...for a mother cannot afford to fall sick...coz she has to tend to all her little children...(and sometimes husband)....

ok.....will try to sleep now....though...it seems impossible....am not looking forward to tomorrow...but am trusting the Lord to heal them quickly...

Personality

Minni, the mother of Bethany , sent me this linkto Nurture by Nature where you can take a quiz to determine a child's personality type. So I did the quiz on behalf of my kids, and here's the result for Nel's personality. I find it quite accurate!

The Joys and Challenges of Raising an INFP
INFPs are idealistic, committed, and deeply passionate, but tend to idealize relationships, and are easily hurt and tend to hold grudges. Spontaneous and highly original, they also tend to be quite disorganized and become overwhelmed by details.
How to Nurture INFPs
-encourage them to talk about their ideas;

-listen quietly and give them your undivided attention
-allow them to watch from the sidelines;

-give them plenty of time to play alone or day dream
-respect the intensity of their feelings;

- appeal to their desire for harmony in times of conflict
-speak softly and maintain eye and close physical contact

Enduring self-esteem for INFPs comes from knowing that their deep feelings are legitimate and that the people they care about love them regardless of the roller coaster of emotions they often ride.

.

.

Results for...Jo ....may not be as accurate...as certain things are not very clear yet...like if she's a thinker or feeler. Yes, she is imaginative, and intellectually curious. She's stubborn, strong willed. However, she doesn't appear emotionally aloof and superior. She's actually very affectionate and shows it clearly, :) ....except in new social environment. Gotta do this test again when she's older.

The Joys and Challenges of Raising an INTJ
INTJs are imaginative and intellectually curious but tend to also be stubborn and unwilling to back down. While they are logical, direct, and skeptical, they are usually intensely private, independent, and appear emotionally aloof and superior.
How to Nurture INTJs
-don’t push them into social situations;

-respect their hesitancy and follow their lead
-provide a constantly expanding source of intellectual stimulation
-expect an analytical thinking style, and don’t take their criticism personally
-be fair and consistent;

-offer the logical rational for your decisions
Enduring self-esteem for INTJs comes from being valued and respected for their unique perspective and their constantly increasing levels of competence.

strong will

Of late Jo’s been a really strong willed child. I suppose that’s not altogether a bad characteristic. She’s probably going to be very goal orientated, focused on things she does…which is already apparent in some of the things she does.

Only thing is…sometimes it gets overboard. I feel that as a parent, I cannot give in to her every whim and fancy …and sometimes she has to learn that things will not always go her way.

Yesterday for instance,…. Were were ready for nap when Jo said “mum, move away, Jo wants to wipe the bed.” I thought move???? Alright, so I got up and moved away. As soon as I moved away, she began crying (her VERY high pitch cry…which sends blood rocketing into my head so it pounds…) and said “Mum, I want you to come back now. Back to this bed!”

I decided this was one of the times I had to “teach” her that she cannot always have her own way. So I told her firmly “mummy is staying right here. You told me to move, I moved.” What proceeded was ONE hour of screaming and insisting that I move back to the bed. It was so difficult. I felt like my head was gonna burst. Finally after 1 hour, she calmed down and said “sorry mummy.....sorry” And she came by me and settled down. Phew………..

Some other incidents….after finishing her potty…she says “mummy flush.” As soon as I’ve flushed she cries “Why mummy flushed? Jo wants to flush, why mummy flush? why mummy flush?” and starts with her crying again. I get so frustrated. Sometimes I just let her be and leave. I tell her "when you’ve done crying, you come to mummy". She’ll come crying….and screaming! Hahaha….

Sometimes if it’s reasonable, I give in. She’s been like this for 2 weeks now. I’ve no idea why….I hope it’s just a passing phase, coz it’s tough. Nel was never like this, always easy…though mischievous.

Can you believe it, we’re only in 2nd week of school, and she’s been already punished 3 times! Well, twice it was the boy next to her who started it, but she reacted and so got punished too. The third was when she got caught playing with water in the toilet. Haha….. but she’s like that. I dropped her off at her Chinese class yesterday, and typical her, while all the kids walked obediently in, my little Nel had to go hide behind a teacher’s car so they had to look for her. Then she pops out and shouts “boo!” ah, that mischievous streak. Life is fun with her. :)

Any suggestions for Jo? She was such a good baby...just till 2 weeks ago. *sigh*

If Nel had 3 Wishes..

Just before hitting the bed last night, Nel and I read a book together (which is what we usually do before bedtime). As I have been recently reading a child psychology book, I decided to use one of the questions on her. I interrupted her and asked “Nel, if you had three wishes, what would it be?”

She smiled and said “hmmmmmm……. No. 1, I wish I could be like Charlie in the Chocolate Factory.”

I asked “what do you mean? You mean you’d like more chocolates?? Or to own a giant Chocolate Factory?”

“No” she replied… “ I wish I could be so good just like Charlie. He’s such a good boy. Sometimes I do so many naughty things, so I can’t be so good.” Nel said this seriously and meant it.

Somehow, in my way of dealing with her, I had planted the thought in her head that she wasn’t a perfect child. Well, nobody is, but what she said showed that she had thought about this matter a lot…. Why? Had I set up too high an expectation for her? And I guess, sometimes in my impatience, I’d forgotten the rule of "7 positive comments to every one negative comment."

So we talked more and realizing it was a tender moment, I said “Danelle, I’m not perfect too. I make mistakes too. I make a lot of mistakes.”

Nel giggled softly, looked and me and said “really mum? What naughty thing did you do mum?”

I replied… “well… sometimes I get angry and shout, and say horrible things…. and that’s not good.”

Nel grinned a very huge grin! haha..

“Nel," I went on, "we all make mistakes, the thing is, we ask God to forgive us, and we try not to make that same mistake again. Yeah?”

She smiled and nodded and we prayed together, she prayed a cute, earnest prayer. How difficult it is sometimes for a 5 year old to control her impulses. Impulse to protect her toys, to hit out at a friend when provoked or to protect territory, to snatch etc etc etc. but that’s them, a 5 year old. Well, but I've to mention that Nel is also big hearted, loving, fun, independent, helpful and full of creativity! I’m learning how to handle it as mum, and I’ve to learn to have more patience, less I plant negative images into my daughter’s head about herself.

Her 2nd and 3rd wish were funny things. The 2nd one was that nail polishes would never fade off her nails. The 3rd one was that she could see real snow. Then she got ambitious about a 4th wish, which was “I wish I could have ice cream on my rice.”

I thought…hmm…that one seems possible to fulfill. I’ll go buy a bucket of ice cream now. Haha…

yeah....ice cream is good, especially when used as a bribe...to make up for my imperfections as mum. haha...

weaning

weaning is hard... hard for the baby, hard for me. but she's almost 2 years old..and so it's time. Plus i have to take some medication for my muscle spasm and doctor told me to come back in a month's time after weaning the baby.

For Baby J, nursing time is nutrition and most importantly being close to mummy. For me, nursing time is seeing the joy on the face of my little baby, listening to her little excited giggles and feeling her close to me. It's a special bond. that's why weaning is hard for her and me.

It's 5 days and 4 nights now, 4 nights of almost total sleeplessness because of her frequent wakings and cryings when I deny her the comfort of nursing. Most of the time after about an hour of crying, she'll say "ok..mum, no milk, ....Mum, *sob**sob* I want mummy, I want mummy." followed by a burst of crying. So I'd just carry her and rock her in my arms till she falls asleep again. Sometimes she falls asleep on my tummy...just to feel close to me. Hard....but we'll go through it together.

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As for N, ah, she's ok. Sometimes her usual rascal, sometimes an argumentative lawyer, sometimes a loving helpful little gal. SHe's decided that she wants to be a singer for now, and a fire fighter. Don't know where she gets these ideas.

Yesterday, she sang her sunday school song like this...

God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good like me.

well the actual lyrics are "He's so good TO me." hahaa... she knows that but she insists that she's a good girl n God is good just like her.

.....anyway here's some pictures from the animal shelter we visited recently...faces have been hidden...orders of hubby.

POsitive Home ENvironment

Hey friends, thanks for the birthday wishes, only it was Nel's birthday. :) Jo's birthday is in August. Anyway, Nel turned 5. She had a totally wonderful week with celebrations and special outings which went from Monday till today! haha.... boy, she's been really happy. :) She received some really interesting presents. Her most favourite being a drawing board, a whole tool kit for collecting and studying insects and a really interesting game where you have to catch these fast moving mice by using a flat piece of "spatula" which vibrates! haha.... ok, so this mummy (ahem), is really interested in Nel's toys too! In fact, err...guess who went out and tried to catch the first insect?? haha...ok, ok, it was me. Well, I've promised Nel a trip to the stream soon, where there will be ample insects to catch and observe. :)
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On another note, I was supposed to do a class about "Creating a Positive Home Environment" for my small church group. well.....in the end, my super mum taught the class. However, while doing my bit of reading, I came across these things.........thought it'd be nice to post it up here as a reminder to myself..and whoever who reads this blog.

Creating a Positive Home Environment
Facts below taken from – Raising Positive kids in a Negative World. Zig Ziglar

- It takes team effort as family is truly a unit, it functions more effectively as a team.
Have family projects and family goals that everyone has chosen eg. Planning a picnic, building a pond etc. Working together on projects brings family closer together.

- Team must have a captain, a leader.
Usually this is the husband, father. Wife is second in command (not in importance, for she is very important too). Clearly establish chain of command. Even if wife is smarter than husband, it still doesn’t alter chain of command. (hahaha...some of us wife find this tough!)

- The winning team is mom and dad.
Both dad and mum must make contributions far beyond just paycheck. Eg. Dad can help with homework and talk with them while mum prepares dinner. Mum and dad can do dishes together, or mum do dishes, dad helps read bedtime story and put children to bed. Main point is, if both dad and mum are in home, they should both be involved in all aspects of raising children. In cases where parents don’t function as a team, often there is child neglect, abandoning of families, broken family relationships.

- Every family member must be taught and required to do a part.
Even your 4 year old can pick up toys, or take his dishes to the back. This approach greatly reduces the possibility of raising negative, overindulged, spoiled kids who only believe they should get all they can regardless of what it may do to other people.

- Respect- It’s a MUST.
If you show feelings of love and respect, you will receive obedience, loving responses from other family members (children & spouse). If there is a lack of respect, they will be rebellious and disrespectful. That’s why parents should conduct themselves in a manner that creates respect and builds love.

-Don’t break promises (unless circumstances are beyond control). Don't scream and shout at each other in public or even private. Treat each other with respect or you will destroy sense of honor and respect. Many relationships can be solved with kindness.

- Communicate and talk to one another –
that is we must learn to listen & communicate. Well guess what? Talking TAKES TIME! And SHUT OFF that distracting by TV, computer, phone n papers. Watch tone of voice. Do not ridicule.

- Love coz of who that person is, not coz of what they can do!

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Facts below taken from "If Mama ain’t Happy, Aint’ nobody happy" by Lindsey O Connor

- Minimize strife (fighting and arguing) Parents solve your problems in private.
- Maximize time together. We connect when we spend time together. Relationships are nurtured
- Enjoy one another. Enjoy that time, not do your own thing. When you play with children, don’t read your paper or sms!

- Respect one another. A home where we respect one another is a home where joy can blossom.

Disrespect is a weed that chokes!
- Share a loving touch. Kiss your spouse and children.
- Make memories from mishaps. Turn problems into memories.
- Occasionally do the unexpected. Routine is good, but everyone needs a break.
- Practice J.O.Y. Jesus first, others second, yourself third.
- Focus on blessings

ok, my muscles are Killing me!!! Yesterday I went for this aerobics class called "Body sculpt". The instructor was a guy and we were an all ladies class. He made us do weights like we were in training to be the next Mr. Muscular man. My gosh, he was oblivious to the pain he was causing us ladies because he was so happy lifting those weights himself while dancing to loud music and shouting, 6 more! 5 more! 4 more!!! rar rar rarrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

So this morning my muscles were so sore!! and I wanted to sleep in when I checked my diary and realised I had an appointment with a personal instructor today. So, reluctantly, i got me and the kids ready and headed for the gym again. First thing my gym instructor said was "good morning!" today we're gonna do intervals." So I followed, wondering what the heck was "intervals." I soon found out, it was MORE MORE weights!! alternating with weights for the thighs. With my aching muscles, I could barely lift those weights....hahaha.... I told her she was torturing me, and she told me my muscles needed serious reconditioning!

As for children, I've been attending this parenting class. And today, I realised I've not been doing too bad. I've been too hard on myself. I suppose it's coz I have this angelic niece, and I've been trying to turn N into an obedient angelic girl. I now realise , that is not N's character...and so I shouldn't beat myself if I don't turn her into perfect. Listening to the speaker talk about disciplining methods helped me realise I am on the right path. :) So hooray for that.

Also, this morning, I was just telling N that we should pray that she would have the fruits of the spirit which are love, joy, peace, kindness, patience, self-control etc etc. Well, I went for the parenting class today, and the speaker said "Parents, we should all pray that the Lord will grant us the fruits of the spirit." hahaha........ Yeah, was the Lord trying to tell me something? ok, I realise now, that I too, need to practice love, joy, patience, more patience, self control etc. :)

One thing that struck me.... a child will comply more to a joyful parent. A parent that is constantly strict and hardly smiling will often produce a rebellious child. Yes, Lord, I need more Joy! :) I admit, there are many mornings, I wake up not having a good night's sleep..and become a demanding grouch. And then little things tick me off. I must remind myself to be a joyful cheerful mum.