Music

It's strange to be in such a quiet blog space after the active one I had at msn live spaces......

On another issue...my life as a musician. That part of me has somewhat been going down the drain since the birth of my children. After the first child, I continued by being keyboardist and pianist at church, and occasionally arranging choir parts for the choir. After my second child...I'm not even a musician anymore! although yes, I still teach music and lecture part time in a higher institution.

However, recently while at church...I could not help but feel a tugging, nudging at my heart...a yearning to be back in the music band. I suppose I've always had that call since childhood. It's amazing, but I've been a musician at church since the age of 10 ..... I was also in dance and drama.

So...I feel the string at my heart being tugged once again...to be a musician. I suppose I will not be able to hold back much longer...I have to get back on the keyboards...for when I'm on it...I'm at home. it's a strangs feeling that I cannot express...for when I'm playing on the piano/keyboard at church...my hands turn really warm..and the music flows..not from my heart, but from divine inspiration...which does strange things to my heart and mind. it must be the Holy Spirit.

APart from that...there's another new thing...that is, I feel I need to compose again, something I've given up 5 years ago. Will I be able to do it? I feel so out of it....I feel it so foreign to me....
but....if I don't try... I may totally walk away from it, away from composing.

It is hard being a composer...esp me, I am critical of my own compositions..I've thrown many of them away. If they are performed in public...I disappear...simply coz I can't bear to know if the audience loves it or not.
I remember a performance at university..I disappeared immediately after the performance, refusing to meet audiences. Some people called me up to ask where I was, saying the loved the piece. but that's me. Coz you now, no matter what composition, there's bound to be people who love it, and people who hate it....there's tonnes of music critics out there....and I'm not very good at facing them.
today's entry has been too long....I suppose I wil just end here....