the longing for "freedom"

my store room is a giant mess.... I can't believe how much stuff we've collected in the 5 years we've stayed in this house! So unable to stand it anymore, I started taking out stuff one by one... a very tiring and *aaaa-chooooooooooooo* exercise. lots of dust!

I was just in the mood to throw, so regardless of whether the stuff had sentimental value or not, whatever I'd not used for 2 years, I just threw and threw! and man it felt good!!! hahaha....
Anyway, I chanced upon an old box of stuff...and upon opening it, I found so many photo albums taken in my early 20's. I can't help but realise how much I've aged since then! ok, so I'm not yet 35, but still there's a vast difference in look between a 20 year old and a 30 something. *sigh*

I long for that body of the 20 somethin again! hahaha... working hard on it. but I also long for that energy, zeal and "fire" I had! where has it gone? ...it just poofed out of the window.

There were albums of back packing trips across the US. I looked so young and free. I suppose the key word here is "free." I was free to travel, to do as I liked... I earned my own money working part time, and I spent it on travel. I didn't have to worry about household matters, a husband and kids. I did what I liked, and when I liked.

Now, whatever money I safe, I dare not spend. They are mostly for the kids. Raising kids is an expensive investment here. Everything is expensive. I dare not travel out of the country for it will waste too much money. We just do short trips nowadays. Even if I traveled, I have to lug around 2 kids, change their diapers, make sure they're fed, have their noon naps... etc etc. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy motherhood. Just today, I suddenly miss and long for that feeling of being "free" without a care, except for exams.

Ah...the life of a student is the best. Lotsa holidays..lotsa free hours. Perhaps I will have this "freedom" again when my children are 10 or 12 and independent. but what if I happen to have no. 3 come along? haha....

Last night was strange..I dreamt I went back to the US to do a second Masters, smack in the middle of Spring! can you tell how much I miss that place? it was like second home. oh well..that's it for now. When I feel like it.maybe I'll post some of the travel photos....if I get time....ifff.....if....................................

I just looked at the photos of Buchard Gardens in Victoria. So beautiful.......