My dad, who made us beautiful, huge, magnificent kites when me and my bro were young, decided he wanted to share his passion for kites with his grandchildren. So he invited us for an evening at Pantai Remis (located near K. Selangor).

The beach there is partly sandy and MOSTLY MUDDY! it's an excellent place to dig for mussels, lalas, cockershells. (oh yeah, fishing too!) Well...my children enjoyed flying kites for a while, but in the end abandoned the kites for something more TEMPTING,--------> MUD! MUD! MUD!I remember warning my children before leaving home "DO NOT WET YOUR CLOTHES!" It never occured to me that the warning should have been "DO NOT GET YOURSELF DIRTY!" and thus this is what happened..............

first muddy hands.....and feet...

then muddy dress..... and the ultimate...muddy spots on face! *uughh!*
So you know, if you have very inquisitive kids who don't mind some/a lot of dirt...beware! haha...Overall, P Remis is an ordinary beach, I give it a rating of C- or D. A little dangerous coz of the cars parked on the beach and Mat Rempits. However, SUNSET there is REALLY beautiful, I think lovely for artists and photographers.!


Nel walking on rocks as the sun sets..

lovely sunset

Anyway, yeah to clean Jo up, we headed to the nice clean toilet with the nice keeper, but it was closed. So we found another one located behind the stalls, where we had to pay 30cents each and 1$ for Jo. The lady was terribly RUDE!As for going back there......I'd say maybe..... but my children would answer with a YES

WE climbed Broga Hill (near Semenyih) on Mon, and my children can't stop talking about it. My children, especially Nel totally loved that trip. We arrived Broga at 7:30am, although ideally 7am would be better coz it gets hot quite early.

the start of the climb. palm oil estate and the jungle in the first 10-15 mins of climb.

Anyway, I discovered that my daughter Nel, and my bro’s 2 older kids are way way fitter than me! They ran while I was taking it step by step. (Man! I’m so UNFIT!) but then again, I had to look after Jo who is not as fast and strong yet, while Ml had to look after Lu. There were times when the 3 older children were a peak ahead of me!

Altogether there are 3 peaks at Broga. I think the longest climb would be the one to first peak.The rest are easier, although the constant climbing can be tiring for an unfit person.

beautiful view from the 1st peak

photo of 2nd peak (taken while resting on 1st peak)


3rd peak! the children's favourite !

Children loved 3rd peak, coz there’s a tiny portion where you have to use ropes to help you over the boulders. They absolutely loved that. As for little Jo who’s not much of a climber, lotsa hugs, encouraging words and snacks got her to the top of 3rd peak too. Thank God for the cold ribena which I’d prepared the night before, that really helped her through. All together we took 3 hours, which included stops for sandwiches, snacks, drinks, and chit-chat on top of second peak with friends. I think Nel would've accomplished it at a much shorter time, coz she was running most of the way.

Coming down was a little more tricky coz the path is mostly sandy, so it was a slippery descent. On certain paths where there were hardly any clear steps, the children took the opportunity to slide down. And mind you, they did it at quite high speed, and thoroughly enjoyed themselves! Almost like sledding on ice! Haha… (I overheard some adults saying “we should try sliding too but none did. Haha..

journey down..

Lastly I think anybody can do Broga, coz even little Lu who’s just 3, made it all the way (but it included several tiny falls) and sheer determination, coz he practically crawled some of the steeper paths and all without complaining too! Bravo him!

Little Lu (my bro's 3 yr old), refused to be carried, and climbed like this most of the journey

Things to bring along if you’ve got young kids joining-

-power drink (ribena), junk food, chocolates, tissue, wet wipes, change of clothes, band-aid, hats, sun block and good shoes.

To cool off after the climb, we proceeded to the waterfall at Hutan Lipur. Very suitable for children as it has a lovely, shallow stream with lots of sand for play.

Then we headed off to the famous ikan bakar (grilled fish) shop located behind the Chinese temple. we were very hungry and ordered about 5 fish cooked Asam, tomyam, spicy bean sauce, steamed and nyonya. Very fresh.

This is the restaurant which serves good ikan bakar in Broga

The children did not want the day to end yet, so we went to Rabbit Funland, (right across from the entrance to Broga Hill) where they fed and petted goats/kids, rabbits, ponies and monkeys. The highlight was watching newborn rabbits….and of course chillin in the hammock with an icecream after a very long long exciting day.

newborn baby rabbits

the wonderful part of working half day is that i get to spend time doin stuff with my children in the mornings. We've decided to pull Jo out from kindy for a while and see how it goes. So far, i think she's quite a self-directed learner.

Yesterday for instance, we started off the day by reading from the Bible (NIV) about Joseph. Having finished, we had some delicous omelette for breakfast. Then she decided to draw some pics. Here's what she drew.

It's a pic of our house, surrounded by fruit trees. See the alphabets on her picture? she decided to label them all, and that in a way is a lesson in writing and phonetics.

The second one is about a little banana who decides to explore the world of trees and fruits. Something she's been interested in lately. He's standing amongst some pineapples while the other trees are smiling at him. there are also squirrel holes on all the trees. THe third tree from the left is a banana tree with smiling bananas! haha..

Then of course, she had to draw her usual Ariel the mermaid, something she's been crazy about for more than a year now!!

Later she told me she wanted to open a shop. So she made this sign, and drew a computer for her shop.

this is the computer which she drew. And she kinda "typed" on it everytime i purchased an item. And it would produce imaginary receipts. haha..

I asked her "what shop would you like to have Jo?" and she told me, "a jewelery shop."

She asked if she could sell some of mine, (haha) and I said "Jo, if you want to earn some money, then you've got to work hard for it. I'm afraid you'll have to make your own."

So we got some beads out, and she made these, a bracelet and a pair of earrings. I helped her knot it at the end. She told me it was hard work. haha....

Finally ready, she placed them between some pillows, which she called her treasure box. She charged me $2 for each item, and when i paid her, she even gave me change! I asked her why, and she said "mum, I'm the seller, so I can lower the price when I want coz I'm a kind seller." :)

Then we read some from Peter and Jane, did a little math. and she went off to play.

Night time, she and Nel requested to be read from the book "The Little Princess" by F. H. Burnett. I highly recommend it. Makes lovely reading and good material for discussion.

and she ended the day by coloring this. Yeah, a good day for a 4 1/2 year old i think.

refusal to go to school

i thought Jodie would fit right in school and have a fun-filled days. She seemed to make friends easily and is a keen learner. Alas...my thoughts were wrong. It's been 3 weeks now, and everyday has been a struggle.

out of 100 5 year olds in that school, my daughter is the only one who wails and clings tightly to me, refusing to let me go, and making me promise to get her early. Why is she the only one? It can't be the system if the other 99 fit in perfectly. I'm beginning to think it's seperation anxiety.... I checked a few links and most said children should settle within 2 weeks.

This week her crying has somewhat worsen. The thing is, when I pick her from school, she's perfectly happy. We go for lunch and then back home. Around 3pm, she starts worrying and asking if she has to go to school the next day, saying "mum...you must promise to pick me up early.." by nightfall, her panic increases... and she will say in between sobs "mum...I will miss you, mum, promise me to pick me early.... mum, the teacher is fierce...but mum, i will miss you, i will miss you, i will miss you......"

yesterday when evening came, she asked "mum, is it night already? why does it turn dark so early mum? mum, when I get up I will miss you...." I told her she had no school on sat. Yet she went to the door, praying aloud... "God, please please, make the day longer so the night won't come so soon. God, please because if night comes too early, I'll have to sleep and in the morning I will miss my mummy...please God..please..." followed by more crying.

what do I do from a psychological point of view? some of the pages say that I must allow my child to face her fears and her fear will reduce eventually. Yet some say it must be treated with care, or it would have a life time impact on her. how do I treat it? if i let her stay home...will I be helping her? or making it worse coz she will never deal with it? ........... does she have seperation anxiety disorder or is this normal?

3 years ago, I wrote about how Nel's crappy swimming teacher shouted at her when she refused to put her head in the water. She was just 5 then. it got to a point where the teacher shouted and shouted while Nel cried torrents of tears. It ended when I furiously marched to the pool side, angry with the teacher, frustrated with Nel.

Somebody wrote, "if an adult teacher cannot imagine how a child feels like when putting her head in the water for the first time, then he should stick his head in a bucket of oil/flour and know how terrifying it can be."

Anyway, when I first pulled her out from that crappy swimming class, several people told me I was being an over protective mother and must learn to toughen up, and let my child face tough moments. Some told me I was gonna create a sissy child and to stop spoiling my child.

I didn't listen to them. I listened to my motherly instincts.

I taught her myself for almost a year to help her overcome the fear of water. Finally when I felt she was ready, I enrolled her in another class with a diff teacher. At first it went ok. Then came time for her to swim a lap by herself. While swimming halfway, she choked and panicked. The teacher grabbed her but asked her to continue. She replied "I can't, i'm too tired, I can't go on."

The teacher insisted "I don't care! you swim to the end!!" Nel replied "I really cannot, please don't make me do it, I cannot."

Instead of being understanding, the teacher raised her voice and shouted "I don't care you swim, you swim, you swim!!!!!"

Nel started crying, and screaming. Then in anger, the teacher threw her into deeper water. I saw my daughter go under several times, gasping for breath. I ran to the pool and shouted for the teacher to stop! She stopped.

I lodged a complain against her, she resigned. Some people thought I was being soft again. but I think, when a child is young, it is a mother's right to protect her child against such mean teachers.

Nel switched teachers for the 3rd time. it's been several months now, and she enjoys it very much. She's done breast stroke and free style (in training now). Her teacher commented yesterday that she was doing very well. With this current teacher, she even overcame her fear of jumping into deep water.

So mothers....I don't think we should teach our children to be "tough" now. I think, when they are young, a teacher's personality matters. I'd prefer my child to enjoy what she's learning, rather than putting up with a mean teacher, just to learn to be tough.

nel swimming

helping out in the kitchen

last week Jojo started kindy. I registered her last Feb and had paid the deposit. It is the kindy that Nel went to, and she had so much fun there so I thought I'd let Jo experience a year or 2 there. Thought of withdrawing this year, but hubby said to give it a shot. So far it's been crying spells every morning! she will turn 5 in August, but everymorning she wakes and tells me "mummy, i'm only 3 years old. mum, i'm too young to go to school, I want to stay with mummy."
ahh...it melts my heart to hear that, and I so feel like withdrawing her immediately. but I guess, I'm gonna try to be strong on this one and wait it through a month and see how she does.

As for the home, my children have taken a greater interest in helping me prepare meals recently. Almost everytime I am in the kitchen, i'd hear Jo or Nel asking "mum, may I help?" So far here's how they've helped out:-

-making the spread for egg sandwich. (danelle knows the ingredients and mixes the whole thing by herself, and Jo is fast learning.)

-buttering the bread

-helping to marinade the chicken/beef before cooking (even Jo knows the ingredients now. :))

-using a butter knife to cut mushrooms, luncheon meat, baked potatoes, papaya, fish cake etc.

-plucking spinach leaves from stalk

- helping to pound garlic

- shredding seaweed

-baking cookies

- scooping food out from the wok after it's cooled down

-making own milo and ribena

I'm sure the list will grow longer as they grow. :)

Of late, the pain in my neck, and back seems worse. I also get these tension headaches almost everyday, and sleep is often disturbed. I've seen a rheumatologist and orthopaedic, and they all say nothing's wrong. So there's nothing wrong? but the pain in my body persists.

I'm now seeing a chiropractor. So far, he's hardly done any chiropractor stuff. What he does is dry needling and trigger point massage.
Dry needling hurts, for me at least. It feels like a needle inserted into a nerve causing a painful sensation. So far, it's been 4 sessions. He says, it'll take a while before I feel any relief, since my pain is rather chronic. Let's pray and hope it will bring relief, coz I'm sick of the pain, really sick of it.
I know, I hardly write like this....I guess, I've come to the limit of what I can bear. I feel tired most days.

Putting that aside, today I taught at the refugee center. What can I say, their struggles are far more than what I've ever endured. Stuck in between nowhere, no legal status, fear of being caught and tortured.... life is certainly not fair for them. For those who've gotten UN approval to go on to new countries, I rejoice with them. For those who are still stuck here.... I pray for them. The children are such eager learners....they absorb stuff like sponges. What a joy to teach them. :)

I hear there is another group nearby. They've requested for help, many children there, and they don't even have food somedays....

Perhaps...if you know some refugee centers near you, you could do something to help. My life is kinda interesting at this point, I still lecture at the university on some days, I have some private students, and then I spend half of the hours teaching orphans and refugees.

As for my children, they come with me when I teach. I think it's good for them. They observe what I do. When we eat with them (the refugees), my children help to serve food to these less fortunate children. Truly it is more blessed to give then to receive.

end of post. I know....mostly rambling. Will end here...raining outside..how lovely :)

English Grey Tea, turned blue

I was doing some water colour painting yesterday when hubby came home. Since hubby was home, I decided to give total focus to my art to catch up for lost time. While I was painting I heard hubby mumbling something like

"My colleague brought back special Grey Tea from England and gave me a satchet to try. I saved it just for you, it's really special."

I mumbled "ok" and continued with my art work. A little later, he brought a lovely warm cup of grey tea and placed it next to me. "Here it is" he said, "try it."

I mumbled "ok" and continued painting.

Hubby disappeared from my sight. I then, *sigh* subconsciously dipped my ENTIRE paint brush, loaded with prussion blue, straight into the precious cup of English Grey tea. Yes, the only sachet of Grey Tea, which his colleague brought back from England, which hubby refused to drink coz he was saving it just for me.

Hubby came by looked at the cup, and I swear, his eyes opened wider than I've ever seen, when he saw the blue spattered all over the top of the tea cup, and dripping into the Grey Tea, turning it into a funny shade of colour. (sheepish grin)

ok, at first, he was a little mad....... and then, we had to laugh and REALLY laugh about it!
Anyway, then I told him, a month ago, I'd bought some Grey tea from Marks and Spencer, and told him, perhaps it might taste the same. So we settled for that. hahaha.....

Mr.L was a very weird, lonely man. He was tall and skinny and bonny. So bonny even his cheeks sank in instead of popping out nicely like red apples. He spoke with a Very loud voice, but funnily he’d tell little kids off for speaking too loudly.

Mr L was never married, he lived alone next door to my parents. All he had were his 5 shirts, 2 pants and a motorbike. We are not sure what furniture he had in his house, coz he’s never invited anyone in. (I know what shirts he had, coz he always washed them and hung them very neatly on the line outside.)

Every morning, Mr L would put on his best work shirt, and his best work pants which were three quarters long, barely reaching to his ankle. Then he’d get on his grumpy motorbike and coax it to start. That darn bike would spitter sputter and choke but would refuse to start till Mr. L did some tinkering and knocking here and there. Then off they’d go to work. Again, I’m not sure what he did for a living, but someone said he sold ice.

In the evenings, Mr L would come back, change to his tattered white singlet with holes here and there; and put on a different pair of three quarter length pants with thread dangling at the end. I’m not sure why his pants were always too short, perhaps he grew taller in his old age (he must be about 50 something) or perhaps his pants shrunk. Then Mr. L would pick up a long sharp stick and go check his barren brown, dry garden for any fallen leaves. He’d pick the leaves one by one, then go outside and sweep the leaves on the ground while mumbling and grumbling about why the government shouldn’t plant trees, for they create unnecessary mess with all the falling leaves.

Once a poor old cat sat in Mr. L’s very hard brown garden. I said poor cat, coz Mr. L picked up a long stick, held it with two hands and raised it above his head. Then slowly with his eyes popping out, he approached the cat, and chased it with all his might out of the garden, across the road and into the next lane. Now, if I was the cat, I’d never step in there EVER. And smart as cats are, none of them ever returned to this garden.

I’m not sure if Mr L ever ate well, but I know he listened to music at nights. Perhaps he had a very old record in his house? For we’d hear Chinese opera or Beethoven’s symphonies blasting ever so loudly, so loudly we’d hear it through the walls of my parent’s house, across the street and several streets down.

One fine day…Mr. L’s bike broke down. It spittered and sputtered as usual, but refused to start. So Mr L had no choice but to cycle to work. Now cycling on the very very busy highway is surely a very dangerous act, especially if the bike is an old rusty one with no reflectors. He met with an accident one day and landed in the hospital for a few days.

Thereafter he became a little afraid of cycling and started to buy parts hoping to build his motorbike again. I’m not sure why he didn’t just buy a brand new one. In the mean time, he had to cycle to work, but more cautiously.

Last week, Mr.L didn’t come home for a few days. We grew worried, but thought perhaps he’d decided to take a break and visit his sisters. My mum worried even climbed over the fence to make sure Mr. L had not fainted in his own house. 6th day came and no Mr. L. Then in the morning, my mum heard a boom on his door and went to see if Mr L had returned.

Alas, no Mr.L but his three sisters. Mr.L met with another accident, and the police only informed his family 3 whole days later. This time,…… Mr. L, did not survive. His sisters did not find anything in his house worth taking, they couldn’t even find the documents to the house in which he lived.Though he was somewhat strange, we will always miss the sounds of him tinkering and knocking the bike, the loud opera music and in a strange way, his loud complaining voice. Rest in peace Mr. L.

vacation

well, the 2 week hols just flew by too quickly. :( We spent 8 days in a quiet cool place with no TV, no Computer and no Radio. Cool huh? haha.... We awoke every morning to fresh misty air coming in through our balcony.

Enjoyed it so much the children were reluctant to even come home. We spent most of our time reading, doing puzzles, jungle trekking (this was when I got stung by a furry caterpillar..yukk and ouch!!!!!!), bird watching, insect hunting, butterfly watching. I must say, my children have turned out to be true nature lovers, or perhaps I've influenced them to be so.

Our longest walk (bird watching) was 3 hours, and I'm proud of my little Jo who walked every step with us. :)

There were days spent at a cool stream where they built sandcastles, and Nel had great fun throwing objects upstream to see the course it would take while flowing downstream. I had fun with that too, and so did her grandpa. hahaha....

I'm just looking forward to the next hols .....but alas they seem so far away.....

now....if I can only find the right remedy to heal the sting. It's 5 days now and it's still swollen, itchy and painful, although the level of pain has subsided.

laundry

Yesterday I put some clothes in the washer to wash.....

Then I had to teach, get lunch for the children. and in the noon I and kids rushed off to the refugee center. we had a lovely time there, although it was hot and crowded with so many many children. There were moments I was near to tears when we all sang together, but I held back my tears...why should I cry in front of them, when they need encouragement instead, after going through such tough and trying times. When I read their stories...I cry.

Evening came, and we celebrated my dad's birthday at dinner come karaoke. was fun. Came home, and found my laundry smelling damp and yucky , still in the washer.

Today, I added a few clothes to yesterday's yucky damp clothes in the washer, and put them all for another round of washing.

Folded my very high pile of laundry, got lunch for the kids, did some important stuff and rushed off to the library coz books were due. Dad called to say shirt was too big, so I went to collect it and rushed off to the mall to have it changed.

Evening came, got home and realised that once again, I'd forgotten to dry the clothes. Again they smell yucky and damp. :(

TOmorrow will be day 3 and third time of washing the very SAME clothes that I put into the washer yesterday. Perhaps, I'll add just one or 2 more shirts and rewash them for the 3rd time. I don't know if I will remember to dry them tomorrow coz I've got a full day of teaching. I pray I will remember...coz right before my eyes, I see a few loads waiting to be washed...

compulsive liar? i hope not.

Just didn't feel like doing anything last night. Jo (now 3+ yrs old) however, wanted to play and kept asking "what do you want to do mum?" I kept replying "nothing."
Finally, thouroughly fed up with my answer, she took a deep breath and said very sternly

"Why don't you want to do anything? All you want to do is nothing....if all you want to do is nothing..then I am going to do something and you can do your nothing while I do something!"

And mind you, she said it all in one big breath. hahahaha.....

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on a walk with Jo yesterday we came across some very big roots. I asked her "Jo, what do roots do?" without hesitation she replied "roots for for tripping people!" hahaha...
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now on a serious matter...Jo's been telling lies quiet a bit lately. I'm trying my best to deal with it..but she keeps at it. Yesterday for instance 3 big lies.

No.1) she was building blocks and showed me her creation. I told her it was lovely and left the room. Several minutes later, I heard a loud moan and she said "it broke, mum, it broke!!" I entered the room and the blocks were broken apart. I asked her "how did it break?"
she replied "it fell off the bed."
"How did it fall off the bed Jo?"
Jo said, "well, the bed was wiggling and so the blocks fell off."
"hmm...so were you jumping on the bed to make it wiggle?"
"No mum, I didn't jump on the bed, it wiggled by itself. "
"bed can't wiggle by itself, tell teh truth!"
"ok,ok" said Jo. "The blanket was wobbling coz the wind blew it, and it made the bed wiggle and.."
"Jo, I think your nose is growing longer...."
Jo touched her nose and asked "Like Pinocchio's?"
I nodded.
"ok mum, the truth is I took the blocks apart"

She she took it apart and pretended to moan! I can't believe it!
XXXXXXXX

No.2.
me: "Jo, go to the toilet, we have to go out soon, and I won't use the dirty public toilets."
Jo: "ok mum" and she went off to the toilet. She was in there about 30 seconds and came out.
Me: "so quickly jo? did you flush?"
Jo: "oh, I forgot."
Me:" let's go flush."

we went to the toilet and I noticed that we water in the toilet bowl was crystal clear, not a drop of pee. so I said sternly "Jo, did you shee-shee (pee) ?? tell me the truth."
Jo looked at me sheepishly and replied "errm...actually I didn't." So I made her pee there and then. *sigh*
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

no.3. Jo: "mum, I need tissue.
Me: why?
Jo: nothing
me: tell the truth
jo: ok,ok, I spilled some water
Me: where did you get the water? where is the cup?
Jo: umm....missing
Me: ok, now tell me what you spilled??? (I already knew it was glue, but wanted her to say it for herself.)
Jo: ummmm...ok,ok, I spilled glue

There's a whole lot more ... I'm trying to praise her when she tells the truth. I've told her the story of the boy who cried wolf, and tried several other methods. but it's not working yet. Any tips???

my little messenger

we mothers/fathers sometimes use our children as messengers, and i did just that yesterday. hubby works late and I wondered if he'd be willing to go for a run at the field.

So I told Jo to call her dad and told her to say "dad, please come back by 7 so you can go run wit mummy. It is not safe for women to run alone. If you don't come, mummy will be running alone among the strange men."

I then dialled the phone and asked Jo to talk. Here's what she said to her daddy "Dad....dad, you must come home by 7 to run with mummy. There are many robbers you know, bad robbers. Dad, you Better come home, or mummy will RUN AWAY with the men!!"

I thought that was so hilarious. hahaha..

______________________________
Nel....she's been so busy with school work and homework she hardly gets to do anything else. She's lost weight too. Here's what she misses now she's at school..
she misses....evening walks,
.......cycling to the park,
....... visits to the library
... playing in the stream
......splashing in puddles after the rain
.... walking the dog..... She is missing out on so much, coz the school keeps giving MORE AND MORE AND MORE homework!!!

These 2 weeks it's exam time. You'd think teachers would give homework a break so the child can do revision, but NO. Last night she had so much homework she only slept at midnight! I get so frustrated. *sigh*

my daughters have been crazy about princesses. Jodie is near obsession with Ariel (little Mermaid)..... and i'm beginning to think Ariel is bad influence. Obsession is never a good thing anyway..... She even dreams of Ariel, acts like Ariel and already talks of marrying a prince someday. I tell her that real life prince are hardly nice people.

Anyway...they were discussing princesses as usual yesterday together with their cousin Lyd. They made a list of princesses together with drawings they made themselves. I don't have a camera yet (the last was stolen when the thief broke into my house), thus no pics of their drawings. The pics i guarantee would have brought big smiles to your faces as it did to mine. haha.... Anyway, the list went like this...

1) Gjesmeen (Jasmine from Aladin, if you didn't get it)

2) Cinderela (almost accurate spelling here, except for one L)

3) Sno Whit

4) Moolan (yeah..mooo like a cow! haha...)

5) Ariel (this one they can spell perfectly)

6) Bell

and......this is the best, they spelled her

Slipping Butty !!

my very last conversation with Ah Ma

My grandma was discharged from the hospital last weekend. Somehow…by a miracle….the hemorrhaging stopped.

For me the episode was like God forewarning us that…..Ahma’s life on earth would not be for long. Her heart has been weak, and she’s been surviving on just tiny heart vessels coz all her major arteries have been clogged up. How long more she’d have…we weren’t sure.

So I visited her last Saturday at her place. I’m glad I did. When I arrived, she had just been shifted to her wheel chair. She had been feeling tired and wanted to go lie down. But as soon as she saw me, her tiredness left. :) She insisted on being moved back to her day chair. Her maid/nurse refused to move her, and left to do work in the kitchen.

Then Ahma made her own attempt at getting up, and she’s too frail for this, so my hubby helped move her back to her own day chair. I sat next to her, and she looked up at me and smiled…such a child like smile, expressing real happiness. We talked for a while..and she seemed to remember me. Some moments she would look at me and study my face intently and at other moments fade into her own world….calling her maid and daughters every 2 minutes.

While she was in hospital… the lost of blood and drop in oxygen at one point affected her brains…causing her to loose memory. So for her to remember me for a while meant a lot.

Then we sat in silence for a while and suddenly she looked at me and asked “lu eh laubu leh?” (where’s your mum?)
I replied in Chinese “she’s in the kitchen, preparing your meal.”
Ahma looked at me and said “Ee u lai meh?” (she came?)
I said “yes Ahma, she came.”
Ahma looked at me doubtingly and asked “tiang si lu eh lau bu?” (who’s your mum?)
I replied that she was Mary……and she looked at me and asked “lu si tiang?” (who are you?)

It was so strange having such a conversation with my own grandma. After a while…she kinda recollected who I was again. Then it started to rain very heavily…Grandma kept asking several people if her window was shut. She refused to believe any of them that her windows had been shut properly and kept asking about it every minute. Finally I told her I’d go check. I walked to her room, stayed there for a while so she’d think I was shutting the windows, coz yea, they were shut already long time ago.

I came out, held her arm and said “Ahma, I’ve shut your windows, don’t worry, no rain is gonna get in.” She looked at me, with child like expression again and a smile and said “cin eh ah?" (really?) lu u sim, lu u sim. Kam sia, kamsia.” (you have a heart, thank you, thank you.)

Finally she had a headache, I massaged her head a little and then they sent her to bed and I went home.

I never knew…..that’d be my last conversation with my Ahma. She passed away last night....

I’m honored to be called her grandchild. She who raised 10 children and put her full faith and trust in God. She who encouraged her children and grandchildren to put God and prayer first in everything. I am truly blessed….

I know she’s in a better place…. But honestly…it is hard to let go…very hard… and I can't stop crying...
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To my Ahma, I won't say "rest in peace" coz I know you're not sleeping, but already in a better place where there's no pain, where there's much joy, in the arms of our Heavenly Father. I miss you...
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my brother wrote this on his notes:

I was at Lin Wei's, Ampang. She had fractured her leg, so I had to visit. Cindy came along. I had just finished defending how having 10 well brought up children was better than having just 1. I explained to Lin Wei's mom how my grandma have 10 children and NONE are delinquent in caring for their mother. All give a share of their little and plenty to her every month, and all chip in for her hospital bills and other comforts.
And then the phone rang. "Ah Ma passed away," said my sister. "What?" I retorted... not knowing how to react... I had no answers... And so I dropped Cindy off and headed straight to my Ah Ma's in PJ.

I was tempted to not go. I did not want to see all the crying. But I knew that I was being selfish. I switched my focus onto my mom. I love my mom and want to be there for her when it counts most. She was always there for me... And so I went...And there they were, all standing and some sitting beside her lifeless body, praying and thanking God for her awesome life.

Tears involuntarily streamed down and I was overcome with grief. I could not believe it had happened so fast. Just 12 days after she was discharged from hospital.As I stood there shoulder to shoulder with my cousin Martin and uncle SK, we sobbed and we prayed... and as I looked around, I lamented: "There is life in death. Even in such a close knitted family, Ah Ma's death brought everyone closer in an instant. Even as death took place, the depths of our hearts became alive, and love overflowed. No pretense, no machismo, but in all real humility, the men along with the women cried openly.

How ironic... life in death....I could only imagine how even torn families with soured relationships may at that moment repair itself and put differences aside... unite and brave the mourning together... Ah, but tonite, I mourn the lost of my beloved Ah Ma... my beloved Ah Ma... I said My beloved Ah Ma... Goodbye Ah Ma... rest well... And this is our comfort: that because Jesus loves her, He's taken her home, to a better place where she rejoins her beloveds... Ah Kong and Aunt Annie.... and there will be no more pain and suffering... and one day, we will all be together for all eternity. Hallelujah! Amen!

my Ah-ma, my dear grandmama, the pillar of strength in the lives of her many children and grandchildren has become rather frail lately....at times acting child like. Her source of strength has always been God. She used to pray no less than 3 times a day for all her 10 children and 20+ grandchildren.... and because of that, we've seen God's blessings showered upon her family down to her great grandchildren. I'm so blessed to have such an Ahma, for she's taught me the power of prayer and faith and hope in God.

I have many beautiful memories of my Ahma, and today they all came flooding back to me as I drove. ..... memories from when I was a little girl, sitting by her rocking chair teaching her the Alphabets while she taught me to write my name in Chinese, memories of having lunch just with her alone, and listening to her pray....

My grandma was hospitalized yesterday... she had massive blood lost and was rushed to the ICU. Several times she glimpsed upwards and smiled as if ready to go into her Maker's hands....but God sustained her...and she's a little better today, though still very weak.

I'm praying that God will heal her.....

wow....a month since I blogged. Juggling part time work and household chores and cooking is not easy. Sometimes i wished i worked full time, that way I wouldn't have to worry about cooking lunch and cleaning constant mess, just send em to the babysitters. At other times I wished I was full time mum, so I wouldn't have to rush my household chores and the children. I'm constantly rushing so I can get to work on time.
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Anyway...today was an interesting day. I spent the afternoon at an NGO, auditioning underpriviledged children and orphans. If all goes as planned, I will be teaching music to these underpriviledged children starting next month.

I remember the first time I volunteered at an orphanage the year I came back from the US. I helped out at 2 orphanages and it was in many ways a rewarding experience. Most of the time these children wanted someone to talk to, someone who'd love them, who'd come regularly and not drop out like many volunteers do.

Sometimes teaching them is not easy. There was this time I was teaching a group of 6-7 year olds music. I think there were 10 of them. I remember how they came barefooted in shabby clothes. It was hard teaching that class. Everyone wanted to sit next to me, and hold my hands....so there was much shoving and pushing and I spent most of the time trying to control these children. At one time I told them "Let's hold hands and make a circle and dance around." So I had like 2-3 children holding parts of my hands, and some hanging on to my shirt...and we moved, not in a perfect circle, but more like a perfect blob of people, all clinging on to me.

Anyway, today's children seem pretty talented, especially in rhythm and dance! they could hip-hop, do break dance, do hand stands and cartwheels. Interesting. Some of them were so shy...and some so very brave and independent. But they all had huge lovely eyes....

I don't know yet what teaching them will be like.... I anticipate that a few of them will be a problem.. Some may have ADHD i think...and problems understanding. Most of them speak Tamil. we'll see when time comes, but I am already looking forward to the time when classes will begin.

A walk in the rain

We met up with some very dear friends who'd just come back from abroad. A lovely meeting after many years. We had been brainstorming about all the possible places to go..and in the end we went to a forest nearby.
Just before we left the clouds turned black.... but we decided to go ahead, hoping it'd be one of those showers that would end in just 5 minutes. Alas, we were wrong. As soon as we arrived it began to pour, and then drizzle and pour. I thank God that all of us were not the type to chicken out...and I must say our children were very brave and they enjoyed the rain tremendously. :)
We walked close to 2 hours on the track, mostly uphill, ..... through drizzle and sometimes very heavy rain. The two youngest of the lot, Jo and Md fell asleep at some point and the fathers had to carry an extra load of 12 kgs most of the way. :)
We finished the walk drenched in rain water, and some of us collected an extra souvenir on the way...leech bites followed by non stop oozing blood. haha........
All in all.....we decided it'd be a walk to remember for a long long time.

I enjoyed myself a lot too....I suppose we'll meet again in 3 to 4 years time? we'll plan something better next time yeah ? Perhaps East??

Burglars broke into our house yesterday evening while we were out havin dinner. When we got back, hubby opened the gate and went in first, while I helped the kids down. Then he shouted with panic in his voice "HON!! thieves have broken in!!!!" and without thinking twice he boldly went in to check. I really panicked and asked the kids to get into the car and lock. I panicked coz some years back, my friend's house was broken into, and when he went into check 2 robbers were still there armed with knives. (hubby later realised that he should've called police to check and not gone in by himself.)

Thank God, in this instance, the burglars had left. They'd broken the window, hacked at the wall to break the grill and entered. They took most of the electronic equipment and precious jewelry which were given to me on my wedding day. The house was a mess, drawers opened and stuff thrown about. Estimated lost is quite a lot. I don't understand why none of my neighbours heard anything? About 6 policemen came by took reports and left. Apparently there is burglary almost EVERYDAY! scary isn't it?

I suspect......that robbers may be teens or college going age. All police could say was that there are several robbery gangs about....so if you're staying in my area...please be very careful.

Already, I'm a light sleeper. I wake at the slightest noise...I think, I'm gonna be even more paranoid for a while....

(I am however, very thankful that they did not come while we were in. I don't care if the stuff's lost as long as our family's ok.)

some days, I feel like I'm climbing a mountain made of rice. I climb and climb but get nowhere.
I try my best, but stuff keeps slipping by me.
Sometimes in glee, i think that the mountain is finally somewhat getting smaller, shorter .....and then someone pours a new bag of rice on the mountain which I already cannot conquer.
Perhaps I should just jump into the rice? but then, I might get buried in there and suffocate. Or should I just wish for some water to cook the whole mountain of rice. Nah, I'd just get cooked right with it, and it'll get too darn hot.
perhaps, I should just turn around and sit my butt on that mountain and slide right down and walk away....

but that too is impossible.....